About PenguinBitch : Alderaan was the newest member of the United Federation of Planets. Unfortunately, the once stable black hole connecting Alderaan and the Federation, destabilized. The distress signal received from StarFleet was lost, leading to the destruction of Alderaan by the Galactic Empire.
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PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs
by Uh_Oh_Bro / 07/24/2016 at 1:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 10:42pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by izaya / 07/05/2015 at 12:26pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, after constant avoidance, I saw the man who slept with my mother and caused my parents to get divorced. I desperately wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I had to smile and shake his hand as he gave me my diploma. FML
by Anonymous / 06/24/2015 at 1:41pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Sure, but not yet." As we've been together for five years, I was a bit confused, but she cleared that up with, "Not until your dad has died, I don't want him to ruin my wedding with a bad toast." FML
by inheritance / 05/05/2015 at 10:44am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Love
by why? / 05/01/2015 at 9:41am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, all because he thought I was a communist, a sinner, and a terrorist, simply because I think the gay rights are OK, because I agree with some feminists, and because I got blonde highlights in my hair. FML
by Confusedblonde / 04/29/2015 at 11:31pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by MiniJeans / 04/29/2015 at 10:25pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Ixlovexwaffles / 04/29/2015 at 4:33pm / Intimacy
Today, my mom told me that if I wanted to commit suicide, I should make it seem like a car accident, and not do it in the house, because she would be too embarrassed if people thought she was a bad parent. FML
by WasNotAdopted / 04/28/2015 at 9:26am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by tumbleshay / 03/20/2015 at 9:32pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML
Today, I bought a small tub of coconut pieces in a bid to eat healthier snacks at work. I noticed that the chunks were a bit slimy, but thought nothing of it and kept eating. It wasn't until I reached the final few pieces that I noticed a huge black slug crawling across the bottom of the tub. FML
by goodbyediet / 01/30/2015 at 6:00am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML
by Mishlette / 01/23/2015 at 8:27am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/17/2015 at 1:11pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…