Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

PenguinBitch

Search for a member

PenguinBitch

14Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 1 January 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8831
  • Number of comments : 967
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About PenguinBitch : Happy Fml'ing!

PenguinBitch's page activity

Visits<b>hard_candy</b> - yesterday at 10:42am<b>shanekicksass</b> - yesterday at 2:35am<b>Nexpecto</b> - yesterday at 11:06pm<b>rachelnicole543</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 8:11pm<b>vintageart1994</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 6:27pm<b>Ryiah</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 3:21pm<b>CommanderColton</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 2:06pm<b>DiJsLifeStyle</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 1:36pm<b>dzhonatan</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 1:12pm<b>assh0l3</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 1:09pm<b>livelikely</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 4:47am<b>limealicious</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 12:32am<b>JayDay_123</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 10:25pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 6:42pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 6:05pm<b>Quackadoodledoo</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 5:43pm<b>whateven104</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 5:04pm<b>sofaqueen_</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 1:24pm

Liked!<b>sofaqueen_</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 7:25pm<b>whateven104</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 1:23pm<b>turdoblast</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 1:14am<b>TheChelseaSays</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 10:40pm<b>anonymous61203</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 9:37pm<b>teapotrevolt</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 11:12pm<b>poopnpoop</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 9:12pm<b>georgiapeachh</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:08am<b>ImAFaker</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 10:31pm<b>amyyzzxo</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 4:22pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 8:49pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 2:15am<b>Emi1y</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 7:10am<b>BBlah</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 5:29pm

PenguinBitch's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of PenguinBitch's badges

PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, I was studying for my Spanish midterm nonstop. After I closed my book, I was so tired that I thought that my cat was asking me questions in Spanish. FML

#21303629
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12800) - you deserved it (1310)

On 11/21/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Studying is for crazy people. - United States (California)

Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML

#21303227
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23394) - you deserved it (2475)

On 11/21/2014 at 8:51am - misc - by UTRejected (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

#21298618
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30665) - you deserved it (3425)

On 11/13/2014 at 9:14pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

#21298452
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39952) - you deserved it (2990)

On 11/13/2014 at 5:20pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

#21292770
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35433) - you deserved it (2181)

On 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by spooked - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

#21281977
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29911) - you deserved it (4751)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymos_fmler - United States (Illinois)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36001) - you deserved it (10977)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

#21279207
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31480) - you deserved it (15616)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

#21278356
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25819) - you deserved it (52016)

On 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I watched from my office window as a couple maneuvered their car to squash a dead pigeon flat on the road. I then watched as they got out of the car, set up tripods and started taking photos of it. FML

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31393) - you deserved it (14434)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a customer was looking for some decking materials. I took her around the store and pointed out some nice plywood, noting that it's also fire-retardant, which might interest her. She got pissed off and bitched me out for supposedly calling her a retard. FML

#21270214
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31509) - you deserved it (2623)

On 10/03/2014 at 5:13pm - work - by hopeless (man) - Canada

Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML

#21261267
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36821) - you deserved it (3451)

On 09/19/2014 at 1:58pm - misc - by TuT (woman) - France

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

#21261205
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34618) - you deserved it (4392)

On 09/19/2014 at 11:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was walking my dogs when a woman at a bus stop quite rudely exclaimed, "Keep those mutts away from my kid". I replied just as rudely that I wouldn't want them anywhere near her dirty sprog. It was then we both realised she was a customer that I regularly talk to at work. FML



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: