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OwenOnFML

Offline (the 10/17/2014 at 8:30pm) | Search for a member

OwenOnFML

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  • Number of visits : 96
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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OwenOnFML's favorite FMLs

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50620) - you deserved it (6626)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

#21190698
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51469) - you deserved it (6610)

On 06/27/2014 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I used a public toilet. After I did my business in the stall and walked out, I was confronted by the sight of a man standing on tip-toes, holding his penis up to the automatic hand-dryer. Doubt I'll get that image out of my head any time soon. FML

#21166318
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46773) - you deserved it (4702)

On 06/07/2014 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by yepintheladiesroom (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

#20870528
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51566) - you deserved it (18775)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

#20835170
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47937) - you deserved it (3792) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2013 at 4:49am - kids - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was at a job interview for a position I really needed. Somehow, the interviewer and I started talking about fishing. I joked, "I'm a master baiter." Needless to say, I didn't get the job. FML

#20833743
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28305) - you deserved it (39546)

On 08/12/2013 at 1:11pm - work - by master baiter - United States (New York)

Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML

#20826589
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47533) - you deserved it (8747)

On 08/08/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by AnnoyedByFriends -

Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML

#20823903
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57638) - you deserved it (4392)

On 08/06/2013 at 2:07pm - kids - by benjo - United States

Today, my mom's dog saw a cat in our yard. I watched as he tried to jump at it, only to smack face-first into the window. He did this twice more before curling up on the floor and whimpering pitifully. When my mom came in and saw him there, and me laughing, she accused me of beating him. FML

#20822442
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44616) - you deserved it (6685)

On 08/05/2013 at 5:36pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Dalarnas Lan)

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

#20822001
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48553) - you deserved it (4905)

On 08/05/2013 at 12:41pm - intimacy - by Serum - United States (Kansas)

Today, I actually had to explain to my sister that Shrek was not in fact based on a true story. She replied that I'm a "clueless twat". FML

#20821476
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38998) - you deserved it (3952)

On 08/05/2013 at 1:38am - misc - by riiiighhhttttt (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

#14199055
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (112826) - you deserved it (15250)

On 12/14/2010 at 3:21am - kids - by uglywoman - Australia (Queensland)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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