About Omegadolly : If it's a penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, where does the other penny go?
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Omegadolly's favorite FMLs
Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2015 at 10:13pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years a few months ago, my boys convinced me to go out with the cute girl I had been talking to on Tinder. However, she wasn't cute, or a girl. He robbed me. FML
by Anonymous / 07/09/2015 at 3:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a very intoxicated man came in to my workplace and bought 50 dollars worth of yogurt, talked about the fact that he shouldn't have to wear pants in public, then threw up all over the register. FML
by SiaJoy / 07/07/2015 at 2:00am / United States (Maine) / Work
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML
by Arcanin3Boss / 06/23/2015 at 2:37am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by Iarla_ceapaire93 / 06/16/2015 at 1:27pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Health
Today, I overheard my wife telling my mother-in-law I was diagnosed with a learning disability earlier this week. She replied, "I always knew he was a retard. Why did you ever marry that idiot?" All my wife did was mutter "I don't know." FML
by Anonymous / 06/04/2015 at 5:08am / Maldives (Maale) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to skip lunch to work on a big project, so I stopped by a vending machine. The number I wanted was 126, but I accidentally typed 124, using my last dollar. 124 was the only empty row. FML
by broke and hungry / 05/30/2015 at 2:53pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money
Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML
by mobigomo / 05/27/2015 at 2:48am / United States (Washington) / Health
by BananaCoconutty / 05/16/2015 at 12:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by JillianJuneBug / 05/16/2015 at 12:16pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML
by oops / 05/11/2015 at 12:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/10/2015 at 9:47am / United States / Health
Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza and ended up falling asleep on my coach. FML
by NevertheKool / 05/07/2015 at 5:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money
by why? / 05/01/2015 at 9:41am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML
by Anonymous / 04/24/2015 at 12:27pm / United States (California) / Love
- Today, my mom decided to delete every one of my guy friends out of my phone. she's actually crazy.… Today, at work, because I have been having bowel problems I sat longer than normal on the toilet. I… Today, I found out what it's like to have all my ex's living in the same apartment complex. So far…