About Omegadolly : If it's a penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, where does the other penny go?
Omegadolly's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
Omegadolly's favorite FMLs
by kissandcontrol01 / 10/10/2015 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by shh / 10/09/2015 at 3:06am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by Dan223 / 10/01/2015 at 9:26am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a 60 year old veteran hit on me by pointing to his white hair and saying: "Just because there's snow on the roof doesn't mean there isn't a fire down below." Then he told me vets eat free at Cracker Barrel. FML
by Bex98 / 09/28/2015 at 12:31pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead". FML
by Anonymous / 09/28/2015 at 5:01am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Miscellaneous
by oops / 09/26/2015 at 10:24pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML
by gotmilk? / 09/22/2015 at 9:41am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I dropped my toothbrush. Because I have the spatial awareness of a mentally-retarded gnat, I hit my head against the sink as I bent down to get it. Then I did the same on the way back up, almost KO'ing myself. My boyfriend saw the whole thing and nearly pissed himself laughing. FML
by dammit / 09/12/2015 at 4:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, I got hit by a USPS truck. Luckily, I have car insurance. Just kidding. My insurance got cancelled two days ago for lack of responding to letters they sent. Letters that the USPS didn't deliver. FML
by lentkaysi / 09/10/2015 at 6:55pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
by NightHawk4926 / 09/09/2015 at 6:15pm / United States (Nevada) / Animals
Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML
by still laughing / 08/28/2015 at 5:48pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
Today, after working 8 hours and immediately packing my house for another 6 hours to prepare for moving, I was extremely exhausted and more than ready to brush my teeth and go to bed. I tiredly brushed my teeth with my mascara. FML
by morethanablondemoment / 08/28/2015 at 12:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML
by FishFlingingMonkey / 08/21/2015 at 11:55pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/21/2015 at 1:55am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I accidentally dropped and shattered my small bathroom mirror. My sister came to see what was going on, took one look at the shattered mirror, and said, "About time you put it out if its misery." FML
by fuck you btichass cuntshit / 08/20/2015 at 12:18pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous