About Omegadolly : If it's a penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, where does the other penny go?
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Omegadolly's favorite FMLs
by nnniii / 11/15/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was on the bus home from work when I felt something strange in my hair. I turned to look, and saw the old woman next to me sucking on the end of my hair. When she noticed me staring, she didn't stop but instead said, "So pretty. Can I have?" FML
by Koizumiii / 11/15/2015 at 1:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 11/05/2015 at 4:24pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking my dog when I saw a man trying to get a screaming little girl into a van. I called 911 and ran over yelling at him. His wife then got out of the van and explained the girl was their daughter and they were just trying to make her go to school. FML
by cutsiecurliee / 11/05/2015 at 2:21pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML
by / 10/31/2015 at 8:36am / United States / Miscellaneous
by welp / 10/28/2015 at 12:11am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to the office, I slipped into some bushes to relieve myself. As I was going, I looked to the side and saw two coworkers staring back at me. They were having sex, and I'm there with my dick out. Awkward. FML
by Embarrassed ass. / 10/23/2015 at 12:05am / United States (Oregon) / Work
by Ajax_Teh_Great / 10/20/2015 at 3:49am / United States / Miscellaneous
by kissandcontrol01 / 10/10/2015 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by shh / 10/09/2015 at 3:06am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by Dan223 / 10/01/2015 at 9:26am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a 60 year old veteran hit on me by pointing to his white hair and saying: "Just because there's snow on the roof doesn't mean there isn't a fire down below." Then he told me vets eat free at Cracker Barrel. FML
by Bex98 / 09/28/2015 at 12:31pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead". FML
by Anonymous / 09/28/2015 at 5:01am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Miscellaneous
by oops / 09/26/2015 at 10:24pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML
by gotmilk? / 09/22/2015 at 9:41am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…