Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

NeatNit

Offline (23 hours ago) | Search for a member

NeatNit

23Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 7 June 1994 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 23113
  • Number of comments : 935
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 22 posted

About NeatNit : Hi. I know what you're thinking - you want my hat. This hat is mine; If you want it, you're going to have to pry it from my cold, dead airholes.

NeatNit's page activity

Visits<b>ThePotatoWaffle</b> - 21 hours ago<b>PHP</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 4:30pm<b>bazzerbear1</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 7:46pm<b>CitricAcid</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 7:08pm<b>2ophiia</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 8:21am<b>taterrtots</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 8:02am<b>rshweky</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 9:30am<b>dudealone</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 10:56pm<b>babykakes15</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 10:15pm<b>chelsealou1218</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 7:49pm<b>MdMan2</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 3:54pm<b>mattzawesome</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 11:15pm<b>2potato4u</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 10:53pm<b>DR_TYRANOSAURUS</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 10:53pm<b>tuslaw12</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 6:39pm<b>chazzywazzy654</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 2:04am<b>obviouslywaffles</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 1:56am<b>ZelmaSlayer</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 10:08pm

Fucked!<b>CitricAcid</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 1:08am<b>taterrtots</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 2:02pm<b>I_Like_Dogs</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 10:37pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/04/2015 at 5:31pm<b>VivaLaColdplay</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 1:30am<b>rydin10</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 6:08pm<b>eski2015</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 4:11pm<b>Exaspera</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 5:14am<b>nityasomaiya</b> - the 05/31/2015 at 6:47am<b>Sansa</b> - the 05/11/2015 at 11:45pm<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 9:20pm<b>False_Stupidity</b> - the 04/03/2015 at 12:33am<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 7:51am<b>potatopolice1025</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 8:01am<b>ClockworkPoleaxe</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 10:27am<b>Bamill</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:46pm<b>ItsAlly</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 8:48pm<b>Arwen_Evenstar</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 2:39am

NeatNit's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of NeatNit's badges

NeatNit's favorite FMLs

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

#20778979
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65799) - you deserved it (4912)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:22am - love - by Stacy (woman) - United States

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

#20773275
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28684) - you deserved it (48033)

On 07/09/2013 at 10:48pm - misc - by John - United States

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55560) - you deserved it (9513)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was once again handed a document to translate along with the comment "Good luck, it doesn't make sense to begin with." If my translation doesn't, though, I will not get paid. FML

#20759632
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38023) - you deserved it (2902)

On 07/02/2013 at 10:35am - work - by Demotivation (woman) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

#20759193
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25806) - you deserved it (65998)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML

#20743795
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83311) - you deserved it (7609)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by jgtrflynn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

#20742609
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61989) - you deserved it (4081)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm - misc - by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck (man) - Guam

Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML

#20738804
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50799) - you deserved it (10747)

On 06/21/2013 at 10:28am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML

#20732995
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56744) - you deserved it (5454)

On 06/18/2013 at 9:06am - work - by Not a day over 35 (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

#20731669
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52145) - you deserved it (6722)

On 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML

#20725457
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61499) - you deserved it (4266)

On 06/14/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Cyprus (Limassol)

Today, I started playing softball again in a league after not playing for about 5 years. My very first time at the bat I whacked a foul ball into the parking lot and hit my own car. FML

#20724193
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45277) - you deserved it (6348)

On 06/13/2013 at 7:59pm - misc - by Dingbat - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my estranged father, who is a cop, decided to show up to my 17th birthday party. He immediately began arresting people for underage drinking. Way to mend fences, dad. FML

#20723133
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49431) - you deserved it (25326)

On 06/13/2013 at 6:16am - misc - by fuckyouverymuch (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I ran out of clean boxers. Thinking nobody would find out, I snatched a pair of my wife's panties. Later, we had a cook out for my birthday, where some of my old pals thought it would be funny to pants me. FML

#20721670
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37723) - you deserved it (68520)

On 06/12/2013 at 2:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)



FML's blog

  • RoSaCe's illustrated FML
  • Back to business! Yep, everyone is back from their vacation, unless you're a rich, childfree, lovin' life-type of person who doesn't go on holiday when everybody else does, and can do whatever they…

Friday 4 September 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: