About NeatNit : Hi. I know what you're thinking - you want my hat. This hat is mine; If you want it, you're going to have to pry it from my cold, dead airholes.
NeatNit's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
NeatNit's favorite FMLs
by SimpleSwimmer / 10/04/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, while at work being a waitress, this lady came in and requested to sit in the section I was waitressing. She held up a $100 bill and told me that if I was attentive to her needs, she would leave me a $100 tip. Excited, I waited on her hand and foot. She dined and dashed. FML
by moodyreallyrocks / 10/03/2011 at 9:05am / United States (Kentucky) / Work
by katt_is_here / 10/02/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Colorado) / Work
by anonymous / 10/01/2011 at 10:18am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Vxale / 09/29/2011 at 1:20pm / United States (Florida) / Health
by danthecomplicate / 09/28/2011 at 10:28pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
by Anonymous / 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by BigBananaLover / 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I bought a UV light so I could detect cat pee, since I was sure my cat was relieving herself on the carpet. I decided to try it out in the living room first. Nearly half the room lit up like a Christmas tree. FML
by Anonymous / 09/25/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date to an expensive restaurant. After the meal, he got down on his knee and proposed. We've only been dating for two weeks, so I said no. He just silently kept staring me in the eyes, no matter what I said or did. I ended up having to walk home. FML
by Storm / 09/22/2011 at 11:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while at work, after reading more than 100 FMLs and moderating more than 500, I decided to write one of my own with the help of my boss, who had been standing next to me for over an hour. "How about being fired?" FML
by f_ck_U / 09/21/2011 at 2:47am / China (Zhejiang) / Work
by QuickieGirl / 09/16/2011 at 7:28am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I finished the first month of a diet and exercise program designed to help me lose weight. To keep myself motivated, I have avoided the scale the entire time. I weighed myself today. I've gained 6 pounds. FML
by Anonymous / 09/14/2011 at 2:21pm / United States (South Carolina) / Health