Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

NeatNit

Offline (14 hours ago) | Search for a member

NeatNit

9Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 7 June 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 17582
  • Number of comments : 870
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 21 posted

About NeatNit : Hi. I know what you're thinking - you want my hat. This hat is mine; If you want it, you're going to have to pry it from my cold, dead airholes.

NeatNit's page activity

Visits<b>ClockworkPoleaxe</b> - yesterday at 4:27am<b>mimi_animee</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 4:30pm<b>AdrianF9</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 3:55pm<b>gherty</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 1:26pm<b>ButterflyHaze</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 9:26pm<b>Bamill</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 2:46pm<b>ColonelCusswords</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 4:01pm<b>ItsAlly</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 2:48pm<b>kmaheynoway</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 12:24pm<b>xChaos</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 9:58am<b>Arwen_Evenstar</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 8:39pm<b>PlainWhiteWalls</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 7:27pm<b>SadisticStephyy</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 5:21am<b>kire1800</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 9:05am<b>Toriahh</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 7:57am<b>bazookajoey</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 2:31pm<b>PatriciaAra</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 8:32am<b>rustydiamonds</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 5:37pm

Liked!<b>ClockworkPoleaxe</b> - yesterday at 10:27am<b>Bamill</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:46pm<b>ItsAlly</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 8:48pm<b>Arwen_Evenstar</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 2:39am<b>kmaheynoway</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 12:10am<b>Amdojin</b> - the 12/31/2014 at 5:05pm<b>fmllolkkmj</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 12:06am<b>Noelletakumi</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 1:00am<b>higuysilikepie</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 12:26pm

NeatNit's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

See all of NeatNit's badges

NeatNit's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that the girl I've fallen in love with is a 'young-earth/dinosaurs-lived-with-humans' crackpot. FML

#20896509
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34768) - you deserved it (7430)

On 09/26/2013 at 4:06am - love - by GodSquad (man) - United Kingdom (Blackburn with Darwen)

Today, yet again, I got to my desk at work at 8 AM to find my laptop turned on and porn sites opened. Weird porn sites. I have no idea who is doing this, or how they have access to my office, or how they got my login password. HR thinks I'm making this up. FML

#20894123
166 comments

Today, I was home alone and heard the kitchen tap turn on. Shocked, I turned it off. It continuously kept turning itself on so I set my video phone on it to find out the cause. My cat has learnt to turn it on. I later found said cat teaching another. I have three cats. All my taps are like this. FML

Today, after growing my hair out for over a year and constantly being told that it makes me look like a girl, I finally cut it. The first thing my friends said when they saw me was that I now look like a "lesbian." FML

#20874059
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42849) - you deserved it (5439)

On 09/09/2013 at 2:42am - misc - by jessel_ladd92 (man) - United States

Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

#20865755
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40220) - you deserved it (6622)

On 09/03/2013 at 4:17am - health - by NoNotCats =^._.^= (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

#20865687
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49672) - you deserved it (10699)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by fml (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

#20861263
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43177) - you deserved it (7349)

On 08/31/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by fartz (woman) - United States

Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML

Today, I received a text saying, "I don't think we should be friends anymore. You're terribly depressing and you make everyone unhappy" followed by, "Oops, wrong person!" and then by, "Sorry, it really is for you". FML

#20839682
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44283) - you deserved it (4492)

On 08/16/2013 at 12:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

#20836718
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54385) - you deserved it (6182)

On 08/14/2013 at 5:11am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend texted me "I think we should move in". Then, ten seconds later she sent another text that said, "Sorry, typo. Move on". FML

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

#20825004
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44035) - you deserved it (13928)

On 08/07/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by ImNotFat - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML

#20820272
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45034) - you deserved it (10371)

On 08/04/2013 at 12:45pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

#20819538
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50236) - you deserved it (5020)

On 08/03/2013 at 11:29pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: