About NeatNit : Hi. I know what you're thinking - you want my hat. This hat is mine; If you want it, you're going to have to pry it from my cold, dead airholes.
NeatNit's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
NeatNit's favorite FMLs
by nnniii / 11/15/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
by Anonymous / 10/24/2015 at 10:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML
by horp / 09/29/2015 at 6:00pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead". FML
by Anonymous / 09/28/2015 at 5:01am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, my cat still loves me too much. He schedules his dumps for when I'm doing my makeup in the bathroom so he can stay with me. I either have to suffer the noxious odor or be late for work. This is a daily thing. FML
by oh_lordy_me / 09/24/2015 at 1:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
by amburrjade / 09/22/2015 at 1:18am / United States (Texas) / Geek
Today, I was driving down a completely empty street when a cop pulled me over for no reason at all. When he approached my window, I began to get defensive until he informed me I was driving the wrong way down a one way street. FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2015 at 5:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/05/2015 at 12:58am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML
by pansypup / 09/02/2015 at 10:30pm / United States (New Mexico) / Animals
Today, my boss bitched me out for violating workplace privacy, after he found an FML post from last year that eerily resembled a situation that happened the same year. He thought I posted it and twisted things to make him look like an idiot. I've never posted here in my life. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2015 at 1:48pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Work
by kobolobo / 08/11/2015 at 12:45pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by Frozen Food Fan / 08/11/2015 at 10:29am / United States (Nevada) / Love
Today, I woke up panting and drenched in sweat from a horrible nightmare. I'd been dreaming that bright, colored shapes were falling from the sky and I couldn't make them all neatly align with one another on the ground. I guess I should stop playing so much Tetris before bed. FML
by I love L / 08/08/2015 at 6:56pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry customer, but I managed to keep my cool. When he finally went to leave with his purchase, I wished him a good day. He whirled around and yelled "I'll have whatever the fuck kind of day I want, bitch!" FML
by Anonymous / 08/08/2015 at 6:23pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by clutzirella / 08/07/2015 at 2:32am / United States (Florida) / Animals