About NeatNit : Hi. I know what you're thinking - you want my hat. This hat is mine; If you want it, you're going to have to pry it from my cold, dead airholes.
NeatNit's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
NeatNit's favorite FMLs
Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML
by itsnotyouitsher / 03/09/2013 at 1:16am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML
by cjw / 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm / United States / Kids
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me out after I spelt "realised" with an S instead of a Z. It wouldn't have been so bad, if we weren't both British, if he hadn't called me an "illiterate idiot", and if he hadn't muttered "family of morons" when my mum backed me up. FML
by singleandthankful / 02/23/2013 at 6:18pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Love
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years decided to tell an unimaginably rude joke to my grandma while at my house. She hit him over the head with a vase, and he's threatening to press charges. I still don't know whose side to take. FML
by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 11:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by wrongplacewrongtime / 02/22/2013 at 1:12am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML
by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML
by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 12:56am / United States / Miscellaneous
by MsCobb / 02/16/2013 at 10:27am / United States (Ohio) / Love
by PokeWife / 02/06/2013 at 8:38am / United States (Nebraska) / Love
Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML
by swarm20 / 02/05/2013 at 12:24am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML
by facepalm / 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML
by jeoak / 01/30/2013 at 12:25pm / India / Miscellaneous
by Miss Blairgowrie / 01/30/2013 at 2:52am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health