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by failure / 09/22/2011 at 2:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/22/2011 at 12:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by jj4320 / 09/17/2011 at 4:37am / United States (California) / Transportation
by applesmama / 09/17/2011 at 12:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/16/2011 at 1:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Help / 09/16/2011 at 12:20pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, while teaching my high school class about astronomy, I showed them a picture of earth from space. One girl raised her hand, and asked me what the "white things" were. In other words, clouds. FML
by Smart / 09/16/2011 at 10:42am / United States / Kids
by brinn / 09/16/2011 at 1:15am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2011 at 4:03pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, at my job serving, I went to clear the plates when the guy said, "Hold on a second." Thinking he wasn't quite finished, I went to put the plate back. He then reached in to his mouth, pulled out a dark brown object and threw it on the plate. It was a rotten tooth. I almost puked. FML
by Tancred / 09/15/2011 at 3:36am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML
by unicorn / 09/13/2011 at 5:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got home from work to find my wife asleep in her easy chair with my two year old son asleep in a pile of torn-up paper. I soon found out it was my 1960s collection of a Superman comic book series that I inherited from my dad. It was worth well over $2,000. FML
by Randy / 09/12/2011 at 10:15pm / United States (Alabama) / Kids
by siikman313 / 09/12/2011 at 5:37pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous