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by failure / 09/22/2011 at 2:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/22/2011 at 12:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by jj4320 / 09/17/2011 at 4:37am / United States (California) / Transportation
by applesmama / 09/17/2011 at 12:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/16/2011 at 1:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Help / 09/16/2011 at 12:20pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, while teaching my high school class about astronomy, I showed them a picture of earth from space. One girl raised her hand, and asked me what the "white things" were. In other words, clouds. FML
by Smart / 09/16/2011 at 10:42am / United States / Kids
by brinn / 09/16/2011 at 1:15am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2011 at 4:03pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, at my job serving, I went to clear the plates when the guy said, "Hold on a second." Thinking he wasn't quite finished, I went to put the plate back. He then reached in to his mouth, pulled out a dark brown object and threw it on the plate. It was a rotten tooth. I almost puked. FML
by Tancred / 09/15/2011 at 3:36am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML
by unicorn / 09/13/2011 at 5:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got home from work to find my wife asleep in her easy chair with my two year old son asleep in a pile of torn-up paper. I soon found out it was my 1960s collection of a Superman comic book series that I inherited from my dad. It was worth well over $2,000. FML
by Randy / 09/12/2011 at 10:15pm / United States (Alabama) / Kids
by siikman313 / 09/12/2011 at 5:37pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…