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Mr_Plague's favorite FMLs
Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML
by analeis / 03/25/2012 at 2:04pm / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Health
by mrricecakes / 03/23/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by CallaC / 03/14/2012 at 10:01pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML
by anonymous / 03/14/2012 at 1:18am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by Wow / 03/13/2012 at 12:38am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/12/2012 at 12:16am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was discussing the possibility of other life in the universe with my friend. She said the universe isn't big enough for it to be possible, and that we would know about it already, because "there are only 8 planets in the universe." FML
by daninalani / 03/11/2012 at 6:37pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 9:20am / United States (New Mexico) / Love
by starboy / 03/10/2012 at 1:50am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Fraser / 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horse-shit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML
by Alfie4 / 03/05/2012 at 5:30pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
by ShitFaced / 03/01/2012 at 6:35am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by hatinthelife / 02/18/2012 at 1:34am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, I was talking to my husband about a work colleague, whose boyfriend is always sending her flowers and fawning over her. I mentioned how I've never been treated like that. He glanced up from his video game and said, "Shit, Mel. Get a boob job then." FML
by Mel Ancholy / 02/17/2012 at 9:04pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML
by -_- / 02/17/2012 at 7:13pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy
- Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or… Today, a lady came for a death certificate at the city hall reception where I work. Reflexively, I…