About Futacy : Licking doorknobs is illegal in other planets. And apparently in Washington, DC as well. You'll be ask to leave the White House.
Futacy's FML badges
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Futacy's favorite FMLs
Today, my fiancé nervously sat me down for a "serious chat". The chat wound up with him asking if we could postpone our wedding, because his World of Warcraft guild had a raid scheduled for the same day. FML
by Anonymous / 06/03/2011 at 7:16pm / United States / Love
by blahblah493 / 05/26/2011 at 12:15am / United States / Intimacy
by Fatty / 05/16/2011 at 10:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I was sitting in the lecture hall. A girl walked by to get to her seat and her dress got caught on the handles, lifting it up. She didn't notice but I did, so I tried to take it off the handles. She turned around to see me holding her dress up. FML
by ctop / 05/13/2011 at 1:45am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML
by Ouch / 04/25/2011 at 3:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 10:21pm / United States / Animals
by omg / 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I went to the toilet during drama, not because I had to actually go, but because I wanted to play Monopoly on my iPod. I lost track of time and came back twenty minutes later. My whole class listened while I was forced to tell my teacher I'd been really constipated. FML
by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 4:56pm / Isle of Man / Geek
by - / 11/08/2010 at 7:38pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML
by meegs / 10/16/2010 at 8:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, there was a fire drill at my school. I was in the bathroom taking a dump, and if that wasn't bad enough, I got suspended for two days for 'improper procedure during a fire drill'. I didn't know you could get suspended for taking a dump. FML
by dammit / 08/10/2010 at 1:19am / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous
by Wawawiwa / 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm / Namibia (Windhoek) / Intimacy
by thatssickkk / 02/17/2010 at 1:40am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I found out my cousin - who suffers from bipolar disorder - shot herself in the chest and has only a 20 percent chance of living. I told my boyfriend, while crying, and he held me for a few minutes. As soon as I got quiet, he pulled out his iPhone and started playing a shooter game. FML
by lynn / 02/17/2010 at 1:30am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML
by badbed / 12/11/2009 at 12:07pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Intimacy
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…