About Futacy
Licking doorknobs is illegal in other planets. And apparently in Washington, DC as well. You'll be ask to leave the White House.
Futacy - Followers
Futacy - Followed
Futacy's FML badges
  • The Mixer

    You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
  • Socialite

    You used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
  • Mobility

    You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
  • I NEED to know!

    You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.
  • The rules are the rules

    Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by Alan, our moderator.
  • Work is a 4-letter word

    Voting on an FML in the "Work" category on a Monday morning between 8 and 9 a.m. How ironic.
  • Checking you out

    You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
  • Happy ending

    Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
  • Supersize Menu

    You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
  • I never take things to heart

    Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
  • I'm an early bird, but no worm yet

    You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 a.m.
  • Night owl

    You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 a.m.
  • This isn't what should be happening

    You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done, wrong turn. Go back.
  • I like your style

    You gave a Hug to someone. How cute!
  • I moderated this!

    In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
  • Up and coming moderator

    It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
  • 50 favorites

    Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!
  • 50 quality comments

    Clicking to reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried afterwards is even worthier.
  • A new thumb

    You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
  • 100 kick-ass comments

    100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
  • It's in the can!

    Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
  • Consolation prize

    Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
  • Profile completed

    You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
  • Beginner

    You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
  • Judgmental

    You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.
  • YDI Master

    You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.
  • I agree, my mouse works.

    200 "I agree" votes is a good start.
  • Who’s the fairest of them all?

    This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
  • Perfectionist

    Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
  • 42

    See, son, moderating FMLs is like a marathon.
    0%
  • Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

    You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
    15%
  • One more and it's business time

    You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.
    44%
  • Keen reader – Level: student ninja

    You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
    89%
  • Tweet, tweet

    You have shared 20 FMLs on Twitter, your followers love you and we understand why.
    25%
  • Tell us what happened next

    You've commented on an FML that you sent in
    0%
  • My diary is a collector's item

    There were only 100 numbered VDM diaries for 2011/2012. I've got one.
    0%
  • Happy month-versary

    You seem to be glued to FML. Shall we set a tent up for you to sleep in?
    7%
  • I liked to the power of 20

    You've liked 20 FMLs, and your Facebook friends are going to like the FMLs you liked.
    0%
  • Picture this FML

    You left your mark on an illustrated FML’s presentation blog article.
    0%
  • I’m your new creative director

    You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
    0%
  • The thumb strikes back

    You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
    83%
  • The return of the thumb

    You have thumbed 5000 comments.
    42%
  • Keen reader – Level: master ninja

    You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
    30%
The list of badges to find
Futacy's favorite FMLs

Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML

By notenoughunderwearintheworld - / Sunday 21 July 2013 20:54 / South Africa - Durban

Today, I was on a girls' trip in Las Vegas. I met a cute guy at a bar and we were going back to his hotel room together. On the way up, he asked me how much it would cost. FML

By Hooker - / Thursday 28 March 2013 23:58 / United States

Today, I realized just how clingy my boyfriend is, when he pulled out in the middle of sex, lay down and hugged me, and said in his "adorable" voice that he didn't really want to have sex, but cuddle. I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen so often. FML

By orgasmsareoverratedanyway - / Tuesday 25 September 2012 17:42 / Norway - Myre

Today, my brother paid the DJ $300 to ruin my wedding by playing the Imperial Death March as I walked down the aisle. FML

By Anonymous / Saturday 15 December 2012 08:52 / United States - Lakewood

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

By Anonymous / Sunday 21 October 2012 05:59 / United States