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Futacy

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Futacy
  • Town/Country : Maryland, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 June 1998 (15 years)
  • Number of visits : 3889
  • Number of comments : 957
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 27 posted

About Futacy : If you're here because you didn't like a comment, goodbye. *waits*

Now that they're gone... I like to think of FML as a list of sketch comedy show scripts based off of true stories: usually funny, unexpected, and totally unrelatable.

One more thing! Please, for your own sake, don't sumit a, "last week, i-- fml :P." It's annoying and a waste of time. If you want to see yours get published, submit a, "Today, I -- . FML" Make sure it's correctly punctuated with correct spelling and grammar. That's all, you can keep surfing those profiles.

Futacy's last visitors

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Futacy's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

See all of Futacy's badges

Futacy's favorite FMLs

Today, I was mistaken for a prostitute. Twice. While in my work uniform. FML

#16551400
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30644) - you deserved it (6099)

On 06/07/2011 at 8:13pm - work - by Bee (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

#16548173
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35076) - you deserved it (9903)

On 06/07/2011 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by Punk (man) - United States

Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML

#16531182
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46984) - you deserved it (3473)

On 06/06/2011 at 3:00pm - misc - by Danielle - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn't have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML

#16531117
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11761) - you deserved it (47324)

On 06/06/2011 at 2:55pm - love - by Someguy (man) - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)

Today, I changed the date of my birthday to today on Facebook to see how many people actually know my birthday. My mom wished me a happy birthday. FML

#16527718
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40593) - you deserved it (13718)

On 06/06/2011 at 9:50am - misc - by Jake Whitte - United States (Indiana)

Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML

#16488839
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19354) - you deserved it (34648)

On 06/03/2011 at 8:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé nervously sat me down for a "serious chat". The chat wound up with him asking if we could postpone our wedding, because his World of Warcraft guild had a raid scheduled for the same day. FML

#16487727
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44629) - you deserved it (7882)

On 06/03/2011 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom trying to wax her butt. FML

#16351736
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41576) - you deserved it (5742)

On 05/26/2011 at 12:15am - intimacy - by blahblah493 - United States

Today, I was making out with this guy that I like. In an attempt to be romantic, he tried to pick me up and press me against the wall. He couldn't lift me off the ground. FML

#16213950
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36563) - you deserved it (14361)

On 05/16/2011 at 10:12pm - love - by Fatty (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sitting in the lecture hall. A girl walked by to get to her seat and her dress got caught on the handles, lifting it up. She didn't notice but I did, so I tried to take it off the handles. She turned around to see me holding her dress up. FML

#16153880
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31673) - you deserved it (7258)

On 05/13/2011 at 1:45am - misc - by ctop (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML

#15921187
376 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34041) - you deserved it (18092)

On 04/25/2011 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Ouch (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

#15852262
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43514) - you deserved it (6376)

On 04/19/2011 at 10:21pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

#15472026
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42545) - you deserved it (6477)

On 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm - misc - by omg - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to the toilet during drama, not because I had to actually go, but because I wanted to play Monopoly on my iPod. I lost track of time and came back twenty minutes later. My whole class listened while I was forced to tell my teacher I'd been really constipated. FML

#14486869
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6532) - you deserved it (37027)

On 01/06/2011 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Isle of Man

Today, my daughter got engaged. Her fiancé is not only 25 years older than her, but was her teacher in middle school. FML

#13768477
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39253) - you deserved it (3005)

On 11/08/2010 at 7:38pm - kids - by - (woman) - United States (Tennessee)



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