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Futacy

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Futacy
  • Town/Country : Maryland, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 June 1998 (15 years)
  • Number of visits : 3886
  • Number of comments : 957
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 27 posted

About Futacy : If you're here because you didn't like a comment, goodbye. *waits*

Now that they're gone... I like to think of FML as a list of sketch comedy show scripts based off of true stories: usually funny, unexpected, and totally unrelatable.

One more thing! Please, for your own sake, don't sumit a, "last week, i-- fml :P." It's annoying and a waste of time. If you want to see yours get published, submit a, "Today, I -- . FML" Make sure it's correctly punctuated with correct spelling and grammar. That's all, you can keep surfing those profiles.

Futacy's last visitors

nightstrike3coolstorybro202helpmeimdreamingswick25Mandybruincoolguy10732prinncess00

Futacy's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

See all of Futacy's badges

Futacy's favorite FMLs

Today, I was on a hot date. After we finished supper we went back to his place. My stomach started to feel upset so I politely asked where is bathroom was so I could "powder my nose". After ten minutes of agonizing diarrhea, I looked down and noticed he was out of toilet paper. FML

#17134367
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33685) - you deserved it (4170)

On 07/16/2011 at 9:18am - misc - by anonymous - Canada

Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

#17123749
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33255) - you deserved it (5448)

On 07/15/2011 at 3:51pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

#17112659
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38490) - you deserved it (4225)

On 07/14/2011 at 9:09pm - intimacy - by gross - Canada

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
424 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29012) - you deserved it (86340)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
503 comments

I agree, your life sucks (117113) - you deserved it (5933)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66635) - you deserved it (6939)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out while she was laying on me. Her little brother walked in, saw us and yelled, "Mom they're swallowing each other!" FML

#17068940
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21782) - you deserved it (17520)

On 07/11/2011 at 5:08pm - intimacy - by tony456 (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

#17044811
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34953) - you deserved it (4836)

On 07/09/2011 at 8:19pm - money - by Lame (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while at the beach, I was mistaken for Snooki. FML

#17013138
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44671) - you deserved it (24288)

On 07/07/2011 at 11:12am - misc - by Unknown - United States (Missouri)

Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML

#16947329
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38194) - you deserved it (6975)

On 07/02/2011 at 10:06am - love - by fthislyfe (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML

#16862726
413 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43214) - you deserved it (9795)

On 06/26/2011 at 6:32am - kids - by Unsanitary (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my sister told me not to come over anymore because her baby is scared of my face. FML

#16861259
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34925) - you deserved it (3876)

On 06/26/2011 at 3:02am - misc - by ugly - United States

Today, I sprained my knee while going down on one knee to propose to my girlfriend. She laughed as I rolled in pain. I still haven't gotten an answer. FML

#16858982
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37394) - you deserved it (4092)

On 06/26/2011 at 12:29am - love - by smoothmove - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my family went out to dinner at a seafood restaurant. While we were eating our food, my grandma demanded to see the manager, and loudly complained that her fish was "too fishy". FML

#16852326
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27730) - you deserved it (3575)

On 06/25/2011 at 4:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - Switzerland (Vaud)

Today, while driving with my family, the car got stuck in a large patch of mud. My family of seven decided that I, the fifteen year old girl, would be best suited to push it out. After slipping, falling, and getting completely covered in mud, they finally called a tow truck. FML

#16851241
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30454) - you deserved it (3230)

On 06/25/2011 at 3:10pm - misc - by muddygal (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)



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