Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Futacy

Online | Search for a member

Futacy

21Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Baltimore, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 June 1998 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7605
  • Number of comments : 1167
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 30 posted

About Futacy : Okay first off, I don't really live in Baltimore, I just picked it because this website doesn't let you name your state, which in my case is Maryland. The city I actually live in is called Columbia, and there are 22 other cities in the US with the same name. I counted.

Second, yes, my profile pic is of a mutant two-headed Stewie makeout session. Enjoy.

Futacy's page activity

Visits<b>alex47625</b> - yesterday at 10:36am<b>MYlifeSUCKStots</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 8:52am<b>silkyred</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 6:28am<b>kodyyblue</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 11:36pm<b>evilamoebaattack</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 9:59pm<b>Thoricsteam20</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 4:51pm<b>stephenseiber1</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 1:35pm<b>eski2015</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 1:29pm<b>MrPancak3</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 11:06am<b>DaEpicTaco</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 10:18am<b>OSHH2000</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 9:29am<b>ForkymeetsPorky</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 3:18am<b>jiyongie</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 2:40am<b>Hildy93</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 1:26am<b>andrew130</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 11:04pm<b>thepheonix</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 10:57pm<b>MalekiMaker99</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 10:13pm<b>Jessica0928</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 9:56pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 1:35am<b>Wolfipoo</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 10:31pm<b>Mar2171</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 1:20am<b>LadyLuck93</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 6:44pm<b>patts_</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 6:49pm<b>elizabeth_black</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 4:21am<b>D_Word_Head</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 12:41am<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:11pm<b>stoneq11</b> - the 02/02/2015 at 7:40pm<b>emmzy_em</b> - the 12/29/2014 at 7:45pm<b>aldos21</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 6:15am<b>Quantummonkeya</b> - the 12/26/2014 at 11:40pm<b>Epickitty58</b> - the 12/26/2014 at 8:09pm<b>JoeyTheJubilent</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 4:23am<b>Diarrhea_Volcano</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 5:08am<b>platinumbking</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 1:23pm<b>princessluka</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 7:41pm<b>tay_arredondo</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 1:00am

Futacy's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of Futacy's badges

Futacy's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that my brakes don't work anymore on my bike. When did I learn this? While speeding down a really steep hill. FML

#17394408
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26652) - you deserved it (5097)

On 08/07/2011 at 3:12am - misc - by ouch (man) - Mexico (Baja California)

Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

#17390197
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36344) - you deserved it (3591)

On 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

#17388781
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24615) - you deserved it (3464)

On 08/06/2011 at 4:39pm - kids - by Tabby (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

#17388195
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23520) - you deserved it (5654)

On 08/06/2011 at 3:10pm - misc - by lostforwords (woman) - Ireland (Tipperary)

Today, my younger brother and I got into a fight over who the favorite child is. My mom overheard, came in the living room and said, "It's your little brother, now shut up." She was serious. FML

#17301122
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36768) - you deserved it (6800)

On 07/29/2011 at 7:36pm - kids - by Username - United States

Today, I was on a hot date. After we finished supper we went back to his place. My stomach started to feel upset so I politely asked where is bathroom was so I could "powder my nose". After ten minutes of agonizing diarrhea, I looked down and noticed he was out of toilet paper. FML

#17134367
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36477) - you deserved it (4433)

On 07/16/2011 at 9:18am - misc - by anonymous - Canada

Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

#17123749
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38986) - you deserved it (7220)

On 07/15/2011 at 3:51pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

#17112659
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42363) - you deserved it (4544)

On 07/14/2011 at 9:09pm - intimacy - by gross - Canada

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
429 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32260) - you deserved it (92330)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
519 comments

I agree, your life sucks (142420) - you deserved it (8095)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
438 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77669) - you deserved it (8095)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out while she was laying on me. Her little brother walked in, saw us and yelled, "Mom they're swallowing each other!" FML

#17068940
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29988) - you deserved it (23565)

On 07/11/2011 at 5:08pm - intimacy - by tony456 (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

#17044811
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42944) - you deserved it (6482)

On 07/09/2011 at 8:19pm - money - by Lame (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while at the beach, I was mistaken for Snooki. FML

#17013138
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47589) - you deserved it (25804)

On 07/07/2011 at 11:12am - misc - by Unknown - United States (Missouri)

Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML

#16947329
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42046) - you deserved it (7448)

On 07/02/2011 at 10:06am - love - by fthislyfe (woman) - United States (Wyoming)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: