About Futacy : Licking doorknobs is illegal in other planets. And apparently in Washington, DC as well. You'll be ask to leave the White House.
Futacy's FML badges
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Futacy's favorite FMLs
Today, I and a policeman confronted my psychotic neighbor who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML
by Stalked / 11/14/2011 at 7:46pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
by hairless / 10/08/2011 at 11:53pm / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML
by backtosquareone / 10/04/2011 at 1:22am / Asia/Pacific Region / Love
by Anonymous / 09/30/2011 at 8:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/17/2011 at 4:17am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Love
Today, my new roommate moved in. It seems that instead of using toilet paper like a normal human being, she instead opts to use the nearest towel in reach. I found this out when I went to dry off with mine after a shower. FML
by poop towel / 09/15/2011 at 3:43pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I have been released from jail because my idiot friends decided to get me a surprise hooker for my birthday. Turns out "Candy" was actually an undercover cop. My friends ditched me. I was the only one arrested. FML
by BlootheBawss / 09/03/2011 at 12:48am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/18/2011 at 9:38am / United Kingdom (Bexley) / Animals
by gb / 08/18/2011 at 1:18am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by candymansvan17 / 08/17/2011 at 5:50pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
by bursteardrums / 08/16/2011 at 11:00am / United Kingdom (Devon) / Miscellaneous
Today, while driving into work, a guy cut me off and I yelled some nasty things out of my window at him. He heard me, followed me to work, took a baseball bat out and then chased me into the office. He also smashed my windshield on his way out. FML
by erineilis / 08/16/2011 at 10:22am / United States (New York) / Transportation
by Stevie / 08/16/2011 at 2:52am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Gross... / 08/16/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
Today, my three year old sister asked me to go to the amusement park with her. Since I was late for work, I politely refused and said we'd go tomorrow. She punched me in the nuts so hard that I could barely walk. FML
by IRum / 08/11/2011 at 4:45am / Russian Federation / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…