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Futacy

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Futacy
  • Town/Country : Maryland, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 June 1998 (15 years)
  • Number of visits : 3874
  • Number of comments : 957
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 27 posted

About Futacy : If you're here because you didn't like a comment, goodbye. *waits*

Now that they're gone... I like to think of FML as a list of sketch comedy show scripts based off of true stories: usually funny, unexpected, and totally unrelatable.

One more thing! Please, for your own sake, don't sumit a, "last week, i-- fml :P." It's annoying and a waste of time. If you want to see yours get published, submit a, "Today, I -- . FML" Make sure it's correctly punctuated with correct spelling and grammar. That's all, you can keep surfing those profiles.

Futacy's last visitors

nightstrike3coolstorybro202helpmeimdreamingswick25Mandybruincoolguy10732prinncess00

Futacy's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

See all of Futacy's badges

Futacy's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend cuffed my legs to the bed. After the sex we discovered one of the cuffs wouldn't open. After an hour of trying to pry them open, I had to waddle with him to the fire station to have them removed in front of 4 amused firefighters. FML

#19576314
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15525) - you deserved it (5638)

On 05/05/2012 at 8:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

#18345679
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10933) - you deserved it (54098)

On 11/25/2011 at 10:02am - intimacy - by Dickhead - Lebanon

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

#18329759
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25960) - you deserved it (4170)

On 11/23/2011 at 6:54pm - health - by chunkymonkey (woman) -

Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML

#18321705
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23203) - you deserved it (8223)

On 11/22/2011 at 10:21pm - health - by thunderthighs644 (woman) -

Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML

#18316439
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31047) - you deserved it (2950)

On 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by religionbites621 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML

#18315280
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26547) - you deserved it (4975)

On 11/22/2011 at 8:22am - health - by ughh (woman) - United States

Today, I and a policeman confronted my psychotic neighbor who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML

#18249265
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32007) - you deserved it (1641)

On 11/14/2011 at 7:46pm - animals - by Stalked (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML

#17939452
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21309) - you deserved it (4680)

On 10/08/2011 at 11:53pm - kids - by hairless - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML

#17901380
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11344) - you deserved it (37022)

On 10/04/2011 at 1:22am - love - by backtosquareone - Asia/Pacific Region

Today, my younger brother brought home his new bagpipes. My older brother plays the drums. I'm currently preparing to sit the most important exams of my schooling life. FML

#17869851
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18574) - you deserved it (1733)

On 09/30/2011 at 8:52am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend gave me a speech on me "not being manly enough". I started crying. FML

#17762644
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16093) - you deserved it (45870)

On 09/17/2011 at 4:17am - love - by Anonymous - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my new roommate moved in. It seems that instead of using toilet paper like a normal human being, she instead opts to use the nearest towel in reach. I found this out when I went to dry off with mine after a shower. FML

#17751654
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27046) - you deserved it (1308)

On 09/15/2011 at 3:43pm - misc - by poop towel - United States (Maryland)

Today, I have been released from jail because my idiot friends decided to get me a surprise hooker for my birthday. Turns out "Candy" was actually an undercover cop. My friends ditched me. I was the only one arrested. FML

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

#17508595
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32686) - you deserved it (2262)

On 08/18/2011 at 9:38am - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bexley)

Today, I was dancing with the 4 hottest girls I've ever seen at a club, and I fainted. FML

#17506139
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25565) - you deserved it (6074)

On 08/18/2011 at 1:18am - health - by gb - Australia (New South Wales)



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