About Futacy : Licking doorknobs is illegal in other planets. And apparently in Washington, DC as well. You'll be ask to leave the White House.
Futacy's FML badges
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Futacy's favorite FMLs
by fmyarse / 07/22/2012 at 6:45pm / United Kingdom (Perth and Kinross) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML
by bitchimgay / 07/22/2012 at 12:48pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss gave me a warning for "insulting our best customer" after she saw a comment on her customer card saying "stop giving this fat bitch free samples." My boss had written it in the first place, but refuses to either remember or admit it. FML
by fuckdubstep51 / 07/21/2012 at 6:49pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work
Today, I realized that whenever I use emoticons, I tend to make the same face in real life. My coworkers gleefully showed me various pictures with my tongue out, face scrunched up, and so on, while staring at my phone. They've already made their way around the office. FML
by dawn / 07/21/2012 at 12:24pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by marquez_jasmine / 07/21/2012 at 11:08am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by kerensa / 07/15/2012 at 1:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, I was running late for an important job interview because I couldn't find my keys. I place the keys on my kitchen counter every day to prevent exactly this type of situation. After few minutes and missing my interview, I finally found my keys, in my hand. FML
by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 12:04pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by waaah / 06/25/2012 at 3:00am / Australia / Love
by pandora / 06/13/2012 at 5:08am / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Transportation
Today, my boyfriend cuffed my legs to the bed. After the sex we discovered one of the cuffs wouldn't open. After an hour of trying to pry them open, I had to waddle with him to the fire station to have them removed in front of 4 amused firefighters. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2012 at 8:07am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Intimacy
by Dickhead / 11/25/2011 at 10:02am / Lebanon / Intimacy
Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML
by thunderthighs644 / 11/22/2011 at 10:21pm / Health
by religionbites621 / 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
by ughh / 11/22/2011 at 8:22am / United States / Health
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…