About Futacy : Licking doorknobs is illegal in other planets. And apparently in Washington, DC as well. You'll be ask to leave the White House.
Futacy's FML badges
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Futacy's favorite FMLs
Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 3:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by shadowsorel / 08/30/2012 at 4:34pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2012 at 12:38pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by chunkymonkey / 08/24/2012 at 9:53am / United States / Intimacy
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
by Anonymous / 08/16/2012 at 5:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancée showed me her wedding plans. It will be themed on one of her video games, the best man will be dressed as an alien warlord, and the vows talk about how we'll beat the odds and be blessed by the "Goddess Kalahira". Apparently, I have no say in this. FML
by cestquoicebordel?? / 08/14/2012 at 6:50pm / France / Love
by Anonymous / 08/12/2012 at 7:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/31/2012 at 12:13pm / United States / Health
by cherknobil / 07/29/2012 at 1:15am / United States (California) / Health
Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 12:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my mom once again commented on how I need to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML
by maddiebauer / 07/26/2012 at 10:48am / United States (Illinois) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/26/2012 at 6:42am / Australia / Miscellaneous
- Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out,… Today, I walked in on my porn addicted roommate watching a gynecologist exam online. He asked me to… Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I…