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Futacy

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Futacy
  • Town/Country : Maryland, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 June 1998 (15 years)
  • Number of visits : 3893
  • Number of comments : 957
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 27 posted

About Futacy : If you're here because you didn't like a comment, goodbye. *waits*

Now that they're gone... I like to think of FML as a list of sketch comedy show scripts based off of true stories: usually funny, unexpected, and totally unrelatable.

One more thing! Please, for your own sake, don't sumit a, "last week, i-- fml :P." It's annoying and a waste of time. If you want to see yours get published, submit a, "Today, I -- . FML" Make sure it's correctly punctuated with correct spelling and grammar. That's all, you can keep surfing those profiles.

Futacy's last visitors

nightstrike3coolstorybro202helpmeimdreamingswick25Mandybruincoolguy10732prinncess00

Futacy's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

See all of Futacy's badges

Futacy's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to my favorite burger joint. Upon taking the first bite of my burger, I dislocated my jaw, and the waiters had to call 911. FML

#19990108
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17283) - you deserved it (1940)

On 07/29/2012 at 1:15am - health - by cherknobil (man) - United States (California)

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

#19986519
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20515) - you deserved it (1552)

On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom once again commented on how I need to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML

#19985136
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5198) - you deserved it (38099)

On 07/26/2012 at 10:48am - health - by maddiebauer - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML

#19984969
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23667) - you deserved it (2100)

On 07/26/2012 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML

#19983416
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35712) - you deserved it (7805)

On 07/25/2012 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was swimming in my pool with my two sons. A few hours later while on Facebook, I saw that one of them had liked a photo with the caption, "Peeing in a pool, best feeling ever." FML

#19978741
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18598) - you deserved it (2171)

On 07/23/2012 at 12:28am - kids - by poolboy -

Today, I realised a second too late why trying to hack a popcorn kernel out from between your teeth with a steak knife is really a bad idea. FML

#19976445
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3832) - you deserved it (36067)

On 07/22/2012 at 6:45pm - misc - by fmyarse (man) - United Kingdom (Perth and Kinross)

Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML

#19974801
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18909) - you deserved it (1362)

On 07/22/2012 at 12:48pm - misc - by bitchimgay (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my boss gave me a warning for "insulting our best customer" after she saw a comment on her customer card saying "stop giving this fat bitch free samples." My boss had written it in the first place, but refuses to either remember or admit it. FML

#19969861
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17827) - you deserved it (1237)

On 07/21/2012 at 6:49pm - work - by fuckdubstep51 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized that whenever I use emoticons, I tend to make the same face in real life. My coworkers gleefully showed me various pictures with my tongue out, face scrunched up, and so on, while staring at my phone. They've already made their way around the office. FML

#19967913
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6829) - you deserved it (15541)

On 07/21/2012 at 12:24pm - misc - by dawn (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after feeling a little down about myself and looking for comfort from my boyfriend, he told me that my stretch marks make me look like a tiger. FML

#19967634
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19896) - you deserved it (3002)

On 07/21/2012 at 11:08am - love - by marquez_jasmine - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a lady threw a coke bottle at my head because she had a non-winning lottery ticket. FML

#19939674
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22313) - you deserved it (1703)

On 07/15/2012 at 1:51am - work - by kerensa (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was running late for an important job interview because I couldn't find my keys. I place the keys on my kitchen counter every day to prevent exactly this type of situation. After few minutes and missing my interview, I finally found my keys, in my hand. FML

#19927965
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8599) - you deserved it (25764)

On 07/12/2012 at 12:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He decided he would be a gentleman and do this to me at work, over text, during a rush of unsympathetic customers, the day before our anniversary. FML

#19843298
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27832) - you deserved it (2088)

On 06/25/2012 at 3:00am - love - by waaah (woman) - Australia

Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML

#19780908
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18605) - you deserved it (592)

On 06/13/2012 at 5:08am - misc - by pandora (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)



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