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DerpyDerpson

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DerpyDerpson
  • Town/Country : Copenhagen, Denmark
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 24 June 1997 (16 years)
  • Number of visits : 358
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About DerpyDerpson : I like different stuff... waffles, skittles, chocolate, Phineas & Ferb, french film noir, Chuck Testa, (taxidermied) unicorns and Clint Eastwood

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DerpyDerpson's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

#20110803
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25607) - you deserved it (4018)

On 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML

#20034900
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26482) - you deserved it (6476)

On 08/22/2012 at 12:19am - intimacy - by ihateveganism (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML

#19979145
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22518) - you deserved it (16325)

On 07/23/2012 at 3:35am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my thoughts that I'm going crazy were confirmed when I got into the shower with my socks on. The worst part is that I didn't realize it for a good five minutes. FML

#19944321
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13876) - you deserved it (3495)

On 07/16/2012 at 4:12am - health - by goincrazy - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML

#19942597
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38278) - you deserved it (1747)

On 07/15/2012 at 8:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML

#19919285
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24149) - you deserved it (2747)

On 07/10/2012 at 3:33pm - misc - by I_Has_A_Fishy - United States (Texas)

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

#19918073
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15537) - you deserved it (32892)

On 07/10/2012 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

#19877341
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25810) - you deserved it (3485)

On 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML

#19848843
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22019) - you deserved it (4961)

On 06/26/2012 at 2:05am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML

#19846175
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25058) - you deserved it (2006)

On 06/25/2012 at 5:49pm - work - by thinkimquitting (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses witnessed me whacking off on my couch. FML

Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML

#19785807
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19135) - you deserved it (1720)

On 06/14/2012 at 4:11am - misc - by offended (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

#19784207
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12022) - you deserved it (22135)

On 06/13/2012 at 9:17pm - misc - by ww2freak - United States (Virginia)

Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML

#19777133
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23166) - you deserved it (1609)

On 06/12/2012 at 3:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

#19776975
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38449) - you deserved it (3667)

On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)



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