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Crystal55621's favorite FMLs
Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML
by Anonymous / 02/27/2013 at 12:36pm / United States / Love
by dangerZone / 02/27/2013 at 11:43am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML
by Frostbitten / 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
by guyssuck / 02/26/2013 at 2:11pm / Canada (Northwest Territories) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML
by Puppylove / 02/26/2013 at 1:09pm / United Kingdom / Animals
by crétin-crédule / 02/26/2013 at 12:02am / France (Limousin) / Love
Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML
by n3ov / 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm / Pakistan (Islamabad) / Intimacy
Today, while at the nail salon, my boyfriend called. Since I was getting my nails done, I had to put him on speaker. The whole salon heard him break up with me. I can still hear their snickering in my head. FML
by HeatherRosure18 / 02/25/2013 at 6:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML
by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML
by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison / 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm / France (Languedoc-Roussillon) / Health
Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch. FML
by Sammy / 02/25/2013 at 2:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by pissed girlfriend / 02/24/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML
by Anonymous / 02/24/2013 at 2:58pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I went sledding with my friends. I said I was tired and didn't want to go, but they press-ganged me into it. I ended up sledding right into a tree, fracturing my leg, and scraping up my entire face. FML
by Anonymous / 02/24/2013 at 12:36pm / United States / Health
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
by arse of fire :( / 02/22/2013 at 7:31pm / United Kingdom (Slough) / Health
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,… Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the…