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Crystal55621's favorite FMLs
by future brain bleach addict / 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML
by Anonymous / 05/01/2013 at 2:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by ohgodwhy / 04/06/2013 at 10:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
by sarajj / 03/29/2013 at 5:36pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML
by Anonymous / 03/29/2013 at 1:13pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation
Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML
by everyoneheard / 03/28/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by And I'm still single / 03/24/2013 at 4:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML
by Anonymous / 03/23/2013 at 7:47pm / United States / Kids
by Hurrikhan / 03/23/2013 at 7:43am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Animals
by SierraDiaz2097 / 03/23/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Mississippi) / Love
by nraecher / 03/23/2013 at 12:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by hejdixjeln / 03/17/2013 at 6:25am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
by Anonymous / 03/15/2013 at 6:28am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. The movie was in 3D, and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if you could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did, claiming the movie would be "better". FML
by bruised / 03/13/2013 at 5:06pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Missouri) / Love