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Crystal55621's favorite FMLs
by wow / 11/25/2010 at 2:32am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I had a picnic on the beach. It was so romantic and perfect. He leant forward to kiss me. Once we had kissed he said, "We haven't even started eating yet", and passed me a mint. FML
by baconbreath=| / 11/13/2010 at 12:12am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML
by nurse / 11/03/2010 at 8:08am / Reserved / Work
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 9:20am / Spain (Asturias) / Intimacy
by dentallycorrect / 08/19/2010 at 1:16am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by jazthefish / 07/12/2010 at 3:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by Doritos / 06/17/2010 at 4:06am / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
by H05T1L3 / 06/04/2010 at 7:58pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he tried to put his hand inside my pants. I didn't want it to be that easy so I denied, but he insisted a lot and I finally let him. He started to sing "We Are The Champions." FML
by queen / 12/29/2009 at 8:29pm / Brazil (Minas Gerais) / Intimacy
Today, I found out where all my expensive bras and panties have been disappearing to. Apparently, while I'm at work, my fifteen year-old son's girlfriend has been stealing them after they have sex in my bed. FML
by Secretisout / 12/21/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was in my car studying on the campus parking lot. It was cold outside so I had the windows up. I had a severe upset stomach and was privately drowning in my own flatulence. Moments later, my crush knocks on the window to ask me something. I had to roll the windows down. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by JohnB / 10/19/2009 at 8:43pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML
by accidentalslut / 08/07/2009 at 1:09pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I went to the grocery store. My checker was very hot. When it came time for me to pay, I swiped my debit card and the machine kept rejecting it. Sure that I had money in my account, I did it again, before the cute checker informed me that I was swiping my driver's license, not my debit. FML
by flustered / 07/28/2009 at 6:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, the boss returned from vacation. While he was gone we thought it would be a great idea to fill the water cooler with margaritas. Even after rinsing it we still have lime flavored water. Needless to say we got a company memo about appropriate office behavior. FML
by shayes9 / 07/22/2009 at 6:15pm / United States (Florida) / Work
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…