Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Crystal55621

Search for a member

Crystal55621
  • Town/Country : Up your ass, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 13052
  • Number of comments : 114
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About Crystal55621 : Sooo......'sup?

Crystal55621's last visitors

iJUSTINsaneBFonsKashaqueetrahTrackGirl19MandyCat484caverwholock

Crystal55621's FML badges

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Crystal55621's badges

Crystal55621's favorite FMLs

Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML

#18346597
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35593) - you deserved it (8082)

On 11/25/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by notgoodenough - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML

#18346239
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18554) - you deserved it (1832)

On 11/25/2011 at 11:24am - misc - by tireedddddd - United States (New York)

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

#18345679
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10932) - you deserved it (54098)

On 11/25/2011 at 10:02am - intimacy - by Dickhead - Lebanon

Today, my dog nearly died when my mom fed him chocolate. After finding out dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate, she promptly grounded me for not telling her. FML

#18344763
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28255) - you deserved it (2220)

On 11/25/2011 at 5:24am - animals - by crimsoncon -

Today, at the Black Friday Sale, a fully grown man hit my 5 year old daughter for an Xbox. In anger, I punched the guy and gave him a bloody nose. I'm now banned from Best Buy, and my daughter has a concussion. FML

#18344232
502 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43540) - you deserved it (5330)

On 11/25/2011 at 3:20am - misc - by nicoreal89 - United States (Texas)

Today, I chipped a tooth trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. FML

#18343530
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7981) - you deserved it (18045)

On 11/25/2011 at 1:27am - health - by yollew - United States (Oregon)

Today, during my boyfriend's family reunion, I started my period but didn't have any tampons. I asked my boyfriend to ask his mom if she had any. I sat on the toilet waiting, then heard him loudly ask his whole family "Does anybody have a tampon my girlfriend can have?" FML

#18343392
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29537) - you deserved it (3746)

On 11/25/2011 at 1:13am - misc - by Jessie - United States

Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML

#18342381
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11942) - you deserved it (43175)

On 11/24/2011 at 10:51pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML

#18342108
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24715) - you deserved it (2129)

On 11/24/2011 at 10:12pm - misc - by hannahlorraine - United States

Today, my entire family came over for thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fist fight and only one cop car was called. FML

#18341850
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23110) - you deserved it (1814)

On 11/24/2011 at 9:49pm - misc - by guy - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's family. Her mother wants us to stay in separate bedrooms, and I was happy to oblige since I'm staying at their house. But because there isn't an extra room, we have to stay together. Upon entering the house, her mom searched our bags for condoms and birth-control pills. FML

#18341424
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25325) - you deserved it (2080)

On 11/24/2011 at 9:09pm - intimacy - by vistingherfamily (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I tried to buy a bottle of wine from the supermarket. The scrawny, acne-ridden kid at the checkout asked to see my ID. I didn't have any on me, since I'm 37 years old and didn't expect to be asked stupid questions. I complained to his manager, only to be asked to leave. FML

#18338380
388 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11670) - you deserved it (45488)

On 11/24/2011 at 3:19pm - misc - by Andrew - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my boyfriend got upset after I politely asked him to do the laundry. He takes every chance he gets to act macho and brag to people about how he's in the Marines, but apparently he is too much of a pussy to act like a man and clean his own clothes. FML

#18337950
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26904) - you deserved it (5486)

On 11/24/2011 at 2:30pm - love - by sigh - United States (California)

Today, I was walking through my house when I noticed bits of plaster falling from the ceiling. Against all logic, I looked up, receiving a fragment directly in the eyeball. FML

#18336172
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18285) - you deserved it (8379)

On 11/24/2011 at 11:06am - misc - by swirkishly - United States (Kentucky)

Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML

#18335372
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33034) - you deserved it (5317)

On 11/24/2011 at 8:57am - intimacy - by Jane (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: