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Crystal55621's favorite FMLs
by seth7_ / 01/18/2014 at 2:14am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by Alice99 / 11/12/2013 at 12:39pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I heard that there was supposed to be a huge blizzard heading our way, so I went out to stock up on groceries. After spending $600 on food, I drove home and packed most of it into the fridge and freezer just in time for our power to go out. FML
by hungry / 10/13/2013 at 1:23am / United States / Money
by -___- / 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by BabeRuth / 09/20/2013 at 11:33am / United States / Health
Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML
by down trodden / 09/05/2013 at 3:45am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by fml / 09/03/2013 at 2:31am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML
by happyturtle / 09/01/2013 at 5:57am / Croatia / Intimacy
Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML
by SplishSplash / 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2013 at 12:14pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by grossedout / 08/29/2013 at 12:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/26/2013 at 4:17pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by me / 08/21/2013 at 7:45pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Love
Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML
by aly55a_mariie / 08/20/2013 at 3:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/18/2013 at 11:56pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
- Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I… Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then… Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked…
- Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…