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Bodyvehicle

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Bodyvehicle's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML

#18753577
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31134) - you deserved it (5846)

On 01/09/2012 at 1:14am - love - by Whyme (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that the only two people I've had feelings for in years are both dating each other. FML

#18736387
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31664) - you deserved it (3565)

On 01/07/2012 at 2:47pm - love - by Forever Alone x2 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sat on the kitchen counter in my boxers for ten minutes running my feet under hot water. Why? Because my dad thought it would be funny to superglue my feet together. FML

#18491637
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29426) - you deserved it (2727)

On 12/12/2011 at 1:38am - misc - by lucas - United States (Alaska)

Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman, I finally got my chance. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I have full-on erectile dysfunction. I'm 23 years old. FML

#18491546
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36530) - you deserved it (3548)

On 12/12/2011 at 1:23am - intimacy - by brokedick (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying we're too different. His only example? He likes ham and I don't. FML

#18490588
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29826) - you deserved it (3958)

On 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm - love - by PunkChik27 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were talking about childhood memories. He told me about a girl he made fun of in middle school. That was me. FML

#18479280
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37497) - you deserved it (3597)

On 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend insisted that the dog stay in our bedroom while we had sex. He said it would prove his dominance, and "show the dog who's boss." My boyfriend needs to prove his self-worth to an animal. FML

#18473863
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32816) - you deserved it (4562)

On 12/10/2011 at 2:23am - intimacy - by HBC - United States (Texas)

Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML

#18316439
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33009) - you deserved it (3129)

On 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by religionbites621 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML

#18315280
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29624) - you deserved it (5342)

On 11/22/2011 at 8:22am - health - by ughh (woman) - United States

Today, I caught my husband once again looking at half naked pictures of a friend of mine on Facebook. When I asked why he did it, he said "I was checking to see if they were still there." FML

#18296145
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28376) - you deserved it (4602)

On 11/20/2011 at 6:31am - love - by anonymous - United States

Today, the first snow of the season fell. My husband celebrated by pelting me with snowballs, while I was on the toilet. FML

#18289580
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29983) - you deserved it (5860)

On 11/19/2011 at 2:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML

#18285625
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35142) - you deserved it (8165)

On 11/18/2011 at 11:54pm - misc - by dan - Reserved

Today, I got mugged by a guy who was threatening me with a stapler. FML

#18191865
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27245) - you deserved it (8020)

On 11/08/2011 at 9:39am - misc - by StaplerScared - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML

#18191670
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39006) - you deserved it (3859)

On 11/08/2011 at 9:01am - kids - by possiblyoverweight (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

#18190231
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43750) - you deserved it (7932)

On 11/08/2011 at 1:11am - intimacy - by lunarstrain - United Kingdom (London)



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