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BloodFaerie's favorite FMLs
Today, after a stressful series of events, I went to the beach to unwind. I sat on the sand, breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, trying to find some sort of inner peace. Then a seagull shat on me. FML
by targe / 10/19/2011 at 5:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by imy / 10/18/2011 at 11:01am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
by MLGreco / 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm / United States / Kids
Today, since I was taking a dump in my wife's parents' house, I lit a candle so that it wouldn't stink. While still sitting down, I went to blow it out and apparently, no matter how strong of a man you are, you will still scream like a little girl if hot wax falls on your penis. FML
by cduran2011 / 10/14/2011 at 11:23am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by G / 10/08/2011 at 1:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 12:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML
by ohgawd / 10/08/2011 at 2:48am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I'd just finished feeding my parrot and sweeping all the seeds under the cage. As I was walking away, my parrot whistled. I turned around to see him get up onto the food dish, pick up a clawful of food and toss it on the floor. FML
by kemando / 10/06/2011 at 6:20am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML
by Beeisc00l / 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm / Reserved / Animals
Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML
by Mike Polk / 10/03/2011 at 8:37am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Ramis182 / 10/03/2011 at 12:26am / United States (Washington) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/28/2011 at 5:52pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, my mom and I heard a thump from inside the coat closet. I opened the door, and something fell on me. My mom, who was behind me, screamed, closed the laundry room door, and ran into the garage, leaving me to face the alleged attacker. It was the vacuum. FML
by Anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by agent_awesome / 09/21/2011 at 11:25am / United Kingdom / Animals
- Today, while talking online with my boyfriend, the conversation turns sexual. He stops responding… Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria when one of my friends yelled out "Jake is uncircumcised!" as… Today, I was showing off my sexy new lingerie set to my boyfriend. While we were getting frisky, he…
- Today, I had a sex dream. I woke up, sleepily got myself off and fell right asleep. it wasn't until… Today, I learned the hard way that my parents leave the baby monitor in my room when my boyfriend… Today, I was left by my girlfriend of 3 years because I was over-jealous of her male friend because…