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BloodFaerie's favorite FMLs
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
by Anonymous / 03/25/2012 at 1:21pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML
by PicklesMcRaptor / 03/25/2012 at 7:59am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up Tard Mode and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML
by yamsterr / 03/12/2012 at 12:27pm / United States / Love
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
by scaredshitless / 03/03/2012 at 8:55am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous
by malloreigh / 02/28/2012 at 12:19am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by JukeboxValkyrie / 02/16/2012 at 2:52am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I flew to England to visit my boyfriend, who has been working there for the past three months. I went to his hotel and waited for him; he never showed up. I called one of his colleagues to ask him what was going on. He had no idea what I was talking about. FML
by mareda / 02/01/2012 at 2:31pm / United Kingdom / Love
by BadassRumbleroar / 01/19/2012 at 10:46pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation
by MakesMeLol / 01/18/2012 at 5:30pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2012 at 6:30am / Australia / Transportation
Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML
by anonymous / 01/15/2012 at 12:58am / United States / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 01/14/2012 at 6:42am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 01/13/2012 at 12:05am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
- Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is… Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to… Today, my mother got incredibly drunk. She told me that only "sluts and whores" shave their pubes.…