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BloodFaerie's favorite FMLs
by Hugh_Jankles / 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by StinkyCactus / 01/08/2010 at 1:23am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML
by James4929 / 01/07/2010 at 7:25pm / United Kingdom / Transportation
Today, my friend whacked me on the family jewels while I was washing my hands in the college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML
by TJ / 01/07/2010 at 11:50am / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/05/2010 at 7:49am / India (Madhya Pradesh) / Miscellaneous
Today, my best friend was texting me about her sick dog. She wrote "Do you think she will get better?", so I wrote "I hope she does". It wasn't until later that I realized I accidentally wrote "I hope she dies" instead. FML
by poordog / 01/04/2010 at 10:32pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by grosssss / 01/01/2010 at 8:03am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML
by pottypattypeepants / 12/31/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I had fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML
by Anonymous / 12/29/2009 at 12:11am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML
by axwound / 12/27/2009 at 8:04am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by chris / 12/23/2009 at 1:42pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my mom and I were going to the store. I decided to stay in the car while she went in. In the car next to me, there was a dog in the driver's seat barking at me. Bored, I barked back at it until I realized there was someone in the passenger's seat watching me. FML
by ApolloandDixie / 12/23/2009 at 1:17am / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation
Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML
by sleepy / 12/23/2009 at 12:05am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was shopping in a packed store when I started to feel faint. Since I was quite far along in the queue, I tried to hold out until I reached the front of the queue. Good news: I succeeded. Bad news: I then fainted at the counter, hit my nose, and shit myself. FML
by everyonewasstaring / 12/22/2009 at 6:32pm / United Kingdom (Croydon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I texted my Dad to tell him I'm staying at my boyfriend's house and won't be home. Since I had predictive text on, my phone didn't quite get the word 'home' - the message I sent said, 'I'm staying at Will's, I'll not be good tonight.' FML
by embarrassed / 12/20/2009 at 7:26pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Love
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation…