Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

AuricBeast

Search for a member

AuricBeast

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 997
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

AuricBeast's page activity

Visits<b>nite66</b> - the 11/17/2013 at 11:06pm<b>cookiesrcool1220</b> - the 11/16/2013 at 2:58pm<b>jossii</b> - the 11/16/2013 at 4:06am

AuricBeast's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of AuricBeast's badges

AuricBeast's favorite FMLs

Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML

#17298408
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29734) - you deserved it (4872)

On 07/29/2011 at 2:26pm - misc - by someone - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

#17283152
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29857) - you deserved it (15506)

On 07/28/2011 at 1:39am - kids - by anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mom tried to sell me a bag of rice, with "Cocaine" written on the side of it in sharpie pen. In exchange for my soul. FML

#16993109
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33724) - you deserved it (3607)

On 07/05/2011 at 10:54pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

#16895004
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29904) - you deserved it (3775)

On 06/28/2011 at 8:35am - animals - by hadtocleanthemess (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML

#16673731
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15331) - you deserved it (33490)

On 06/15/2011 at 5:02am - health - by Alec - United States

Today, I was shopping for clothes. I thought this guy was a mannequin because he was standing perfectly still. I poked him and he screamed like a girl. FML

#16464729
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13497) - you deserved it (31843)

On 06/02/2011 at 6:05am - misc - by ohcrap - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

#16248002
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11267) - you deserved it (63323)

On 05/19/2011 at 1:30am - work - by 613tanner -

Today, I was brushing my teeth. As a bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spit a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML

#16157104
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24453) - you deserved it (7754)

On 05/13/2011 at 11:41am - animals - by toothpastecat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML

#16097494
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24433) - you deserved it (2618)

On 05/08/2011 at 9:53pm - misc - by jackpot - Venezuela

Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML

#16041715
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15367) - you deserved it (34277)

On 05/04/2011 at 5:11am - misc - by Derps (man) - Denmark (Midtjyllen)

Today, I got a letter from my mother-in-law stating that demons made her spread rumors about me all over my hometown before my wedding. FML

#15866600
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31310) - you deserved it (2117)

On 04/20/2011 at 10:45pm - misc - by doomed (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I attended a funeral. During the minute of silence, my phone went off. My ringtone is "It's good to be alive". FML

#15616538
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19311) - you deserved it (53200)

On 04/03/2011 at 3:02am - misc - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

#15270660
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27168) - you deserved it (4110)

On 03/11/2011 at 12:20am - misc - by Laura (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my friend convinced me that a staple gun doesn't work on skin. I decided to put this new piece of information to the test. FML

#15239631
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8033) - you deserved it (89727)

On 03/08/2011 at 10:50am - misc - by ouch (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I looked in my mouse's cage and noticed a tiny weed growing. I've been trying to grow a garden for years to no avail. Even my mouse is a better gardener than I am. FML

#15104344
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22466) - you deserved it (9924)

On 02/24/2011 at 6:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



FML's blog

  • Gragrou's illustrated FML
  • One day, cats will rule the world, but not today, there's a bit of tin foil stuck under the couch. The Internet and cats is quite the love story, everybody knows that. A very serious study that was done…

Friday 26 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: