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AuricBeast

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AuricBeast

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 978
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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AuricBeast's page activity

Visits<b>nite66</b> - the 11/17/2013 at 11:06pm<b>cookiesrcool1220</b> - the 11/16/2013 at 2:58pm<b>jossii</b> - the 11/16/2013 at 4:06am

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AuricBeast's favorite FMLs

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

#20174027
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22297) - you deserved it (1517)

On 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm - work - by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

#20142866
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23480) - you deserved it (4214) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/01/2012 at 7:48am - love - by Anonymous - France (Picardie)

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

#20128340
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26304) - you deserved it (4794)

On 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm - misc - by jesushelpme (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

#20116347
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22618) - you deserved it (3065)

On 10/14/2012 at 10:57am - kids - by Nickki - United States

Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML

#20101402
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24774) - you deserved it (1891)

On 10/04/2012 at 2:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I asked my husband to watch our daughter while I ran a few errands. While he treated himself to a long nap, she decided our fish needed a bubble bath, and squeezed out an entire bottle of dish soap. I came home to bubbles all over the floor, five dead fish, and one sleeping husband. FML

#20088451
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22606) - you deserved it (2529)

On 09/25/2012 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14762) - you deserved it (38422)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I received a "get well soon" card in the mail, which I found just a little odd, since I was feeling completely fine. Not an hour later, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. FML

#19981576
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24850) - you deserved it (2039)

On 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

#19918441
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6956) - you deserved it (26827)

On 07/10/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by mustanggt (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML

#19917515
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13118) - you deserved it (24634)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that I'm adopted. How? After a great lunch, I asked my uncle how he'd made the salad dressing. He replied, "Haha! It's a secret family recipe, my dear!" I wouldn't have thought twice about it, were it not for my parents' shocked expressions, and the long, awkward silence. FML

#19901344
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26930) - you deserved it (1649) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/06/2012 at 6:14pm - misc - by Lyn (woman) - France

Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML

#19871272
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22372) - you deserved it (1881)

On 06/30/2012 at 12:22pm - misc - by babyeaternomnom (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

#19572319
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30541) - you deserved it (1915)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:08am - work - by viviham - United States (Texas)

Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML

#19546385
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9681) - you deserved it (18132)

On 04/29/2012 at 5:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)



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