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AuricBeast

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AuricBeast
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 193
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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AuricBeast's favorite FMLs

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

#20731669
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36255) - you deserved it (4581)

On 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

#20714741
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44110) - you deserved it (3579)

On 06/09/2013 at 1:13am - misc - by nicholascageonyourface (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

#20705129
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27316) - you deserved it (58278)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:15am - misc - by tinypenis - United States (New York)

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

#20688904
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45939) - you deserved it (20992)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:19am - misc - by i hit a cyclist (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

#20640901
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44567) - you deserved it (6101)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54659) - you deserved it (9175)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML

#20580464
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26071) - you deserved it (1971)

On 04/08/2013 at 10:08am - work - by save the koalas? uhh - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

#20579781
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12041) - you deserved it (44949)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by maturity - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was on a scavenger hunt. One of the things on the list was to ask a stranger to marry them. I saw an old lady in a wheel chair; I tried to make her day by asking her to marry me. She declined and attempted to run me over with her wheel chair. FML

#20573755
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18190) - you deserved it (22347)

On 04/03/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by nickcedola40 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my little sister figured out how to use the printer. I came home to pictures of Nicolas Cage all over my room. FML

#20571278
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26632) - you deserved it (3590)

On 04/02/2013 at 5:22am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He slowly turned to face me, raised an eyebrow, and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

#20566988
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17060) - you deserved it (46029)

On 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm - misc - by fuck you dad (man) - Ireland (Monaghan)

Today, I was talking to my boss and he said I was awesome. He went to fist bump me and I missed. FML

#20552081
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23843) - you deserved it (7377)

On 03/20/2013 at 10:31am - work - by missedfistbump - United States

Today, as I was walking with my boyfriend, holding hands, a woman began screaming at us about how we "f*ggots" are "ruining America." I'm a girl. FML

#20551759
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31047) - you deserved it (2757)

On 03/20/2013 at 12:54am - love - by Too manly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while working in childcare, we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey", the kids lost their shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML

#20550321
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26672) - you deserved it (1912)

On 03/19/2013 at 1:00am - work - by seriously! - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

#20548943
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37907) - you deserved it (9468)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:59am - intimacy - by Susan (woman) - Ireland



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