Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Almost_Positive

Offline (20 hours ago) | Search for a member

Almost_Positive

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 15 October 1998 (15 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 196
  • Number of comments : 89
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Almost_Positive : :)

Almost_Positive's page activity

Visits<b>Le_Doctor</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 11:13pm<b>jillyanzen</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 1:06pm<b>KimmieHappyKat</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 12:12am<b>briang959</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 3:25pm<b>danthehuman</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 8:49pm<b>RokNRoll11</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 12:23pm<b>IntoYourIcyBlues</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 10:20am<b>gramination1290</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 10:59am<b>denisse_p</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 3:17pm<b>Emiler98</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 12:07am<b>TheOnlyKittyKat</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 9:26pm<b>OPIAF</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 8:54pm<b>xxrogerthatxx</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 2:58pm<b>leopardwilliam</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 1:37pm<b>DiamondGirlj</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 2:02am<b>zoeconner</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 9:43pm<b>StupidlyCute</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 3:11pm<b>ekaat11</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 1:36pm

Almost_Positive's FML badges

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

See all of Almost_Positive's badges

Almost_Positive's favorite FMLs

Today, I had planned to break up with my overbearing girlfriend. She went into complete denial mode, bought me a pair of oversized sunglasses and tomorrow we're going ice-skating. Kill me now. FML

#20947052
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41879) - you deserved it (10193)

On 11/05/2013 at 9:53pm - love - by Trapped. (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

#20919376
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52385) - you deserved it (3294)

On 10/13/2013 at 9:14pm - work - by mustabeendrugs (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54870) - you deserved it (5409)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

#17536285
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58052) - you deserved it (7172)

On 08/21/2011 at 5:59am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So I sat next to my dad while Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman had passionate lesbian sex on a twenty foot screen. And I'm pretty sure I heard the old guy behind us jacking off. FML

#14689182
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35012) - you deserved it (6443)

On 01/23/2011 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I realized the birthmark I have on my chest isn't a birthmark at all; it's a third nipple. FML

#14534141
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38100) - you deserved it (4066)

On 01/10/2011 at 3:35pm - health - by triplenipple (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, I was going to my first job interview since I was laid off. About 10 yards from the door, I felt a sharp pain in my side and something in my pocket. It turned out to be a knife in my side, and a mugger robbing me because I looked rich. I haven't had any money in months, and missed the interview. FML

#13544893
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45186) - you deserved it (2475)

On 10/22/2010 at 12:00am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML

#13220186
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16071) - you deserved it (25947)

On 09/27/2010 at 7:45am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I had an interview. I didn't get the job because apparently customers might not understand me, since I "talk too good." I just graduated with an English degree. FML

#11808834
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33573) - you deserved it (3061)

On 07/11/2010 at 10:44am - work - by alejandro38 - United States (New York)

Today, I told a girl she was beautiful on the inside and out. She still didn't sleep with me. FML

#7520375
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6576) - you deserved it (62810)

On 01/23/2010 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by MackeyBoy (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

#7420693
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49937) - you deserved it (7890)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I come home for lunch. I see a sandwich on the table with a note saying "I hope we can have a healthy new relationship, Love, Carissa." I see another note from my girlfriend next to it saying "I hope you enjoy your new relationship with Carissa." Carissa is my new step mother. FML

#7226236
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30099) - you deserved it (2328)

On 01/08/2010 at 10:45pm - misc - by SingleWorker (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, at work a female co-worker was struggling with a stack of boxes in her hands. Her pantyhose was falling down and she asked me to help her. So I pulled up her pantyhose. When I looked up, she had a horrified look on her face. She was asking me to help her hold the boxes. FML

#6934352
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7423) - you deserved it (48683)

On 12/25/2009 at 3:10am - work - by harrassment101 (man) - United States (California)

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

#3971030
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17149) - you deserved it (68402)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by MitchFail (man) - United States



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: