Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14198) - you totally deserved it (41318)
On 07/10/2009 at 7:18pm - love - by failhusband (man) - United States (Utah)
If he had just written one thing down, he would have been lying. Sounds like he was more interested in the book and fixing problems then she was. The whole idea is for both of them to be honest, and she was lying. EVERYONE does somethings that you cannot stand, but that doesn't mean you love them any less.
#112: Exactly what I was thinking, what's the point of even doing them if you're not going to be honest about it. FYL, your wife is silly.
She must've been lying. Whats the point of trying out a relationship book if you're not going to be 100% honest with one another?!
Seriously. She's so full of shit. She was just trying to trap him. "OH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUT YOU HATE ME I'M A VICTIM BOO HOO HOO!"
I hope he wrote "passive agressiveness" on his list.
112 and 153 are absolutely right. she deserves it for lying. nobody loves EVERYTHING their spouse does and you wouldn't be reading a relationship book if you weren't having problems.
#159 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:20pm by diet_otaku
I completely agree. She's obviously lying. Chapter two better cover honesty.
#209 - On 07/11/2009 at 8:21pm by redbluegreen
yeah, 88, the OP's wife clearly lied. and, OP, just remember, she's going to hang this incident over your head until the day you die. every little argument will include something like 'oh, well at least i don't ______________...oh wait1 I DO DO THAT, DON'T I!?!?!?!?!' have fun with it...really...
#254 - On 07/13/2009 at 9:20am by _THE_MASTER_
It sounds like your wife has a problem engaging in open, honest communication. Everybody does things that tick other people off. Either she doesn't think she can be critical with you or she has a temperament where she lets things build up until they boil over.
Regarding #262 - he wasn't telling her her faults, he was telling her things he doesn't like.
My $0.02 is to put away the books and go to a good marriage counselor that can guide the two of you into communicating more effectively.
Three Choices-
1. She is telling the truth.
2. She couldn't think of anything so she wrote down that.
3. She is lying.
I don't care if people call her maniupulative but those are three choices. The other meanings can wait.
#270 - On 02/11/2010 at 1:19am by vanillathirteen
I still can't believe some guys still fall for the "tell me all my flaws so that we can be a stronger couple" trick. Guys, it never works, girls don't like to be told what is wrong with them. subtlety working at it, acceptable. Anyway, let that be a lesson to you guys. (and always make her show her hand first)
#124 - On 07/11/2009 at 10:28am by forget_it_all09
that is not true for all women at all.. but go ahead and generalize. personally, i would much rather have gotten his list than her list. i WANT to know what i do that bothers my boyfriend so i can decide whether or not its something i can change, we can talk about it, and nothing gets bottled to explode out later.
not ALL women are manipulative. not ALL women want to know what you don't like about them just so they can hold it against you. there are many women, such as myself, who genuinely want to work on things like that, especially if it means having a better relationship with somebody you love.
to this guy... FYL for being honest and having a manipulative wife. don't let her throw this shit in your face, because its clearly a lie that nothing about you bothers her. straight up.
#132 - On 07/11/2009 at 11:49am by Gillypants
You're right; not all women are manipulative and can't stand being told their flaws.
But I haven't met one.
In my experience, even if a girl claims to want to be told their flaws and says they aren't manipulative, it's a lie.
Also, OP, if she doesn't try to talk about it without the help of something like the book, it's absolutely loaded. Fleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Agreed when you say even the ones who claim not to be manipulative, are.
#256 - On 07/13/2009 at 2:37pm by Coffee_Kaioken
guess you'll be sleeping on the couch for a while lmao
that sucks though /:
it was definitely a lose lose situation.
#3 - On 07/11/2009 at 3:55am by justbea777
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Why would you expect him to be sleeping on the couch for that? If she is that upset she can plunk her ass down on that couch, or call her mom and spend the night there. Totally ridiculous that you'd expect him to kowtow to her after her obvious entrapment backfired.
"Hey honey, we should take a look at this relationship book" - translates to, "I think our relationship has some issues we need to work out." He was honest. She was manipulative and/or fishing for compliments.
I don't think that's necessarily true, you don't have to have problems in your relationship to do those books.They might have just been trying to strengthen they're relationship, they wouldn't have to have underlying problems to do that.
But with that being said you're right, she was trying to be manipulative.
#46 - On 07/11/2009 at 5:08am by justbea777
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How do you think that would make her feel? Sure he was honest, but there was no reason to write a freaking list of things he didn't like. A few major things that really bothered him would've been more than enough. He hurt her feelings, and if anyone has to leave I think it should've been him.
Yeah, actually, there was plenty of reason for him to write a list of things he didn't like, seeing as that was the whole point of the exercise they both agreed to try out in an attempt to improve/strengthen their relationship. Sugarcoating what he had to say wouldn't have benefited either of them, and would have only worked against him in the long run. But then again, I'm the kind of person that values honesty over "little white lies" to spare people's feelings.
#65 - On 07/11/2009 at 6:26am by theanonimouse
Sure, there were plenty of reasons for him to write a long list, and it seems odd that she wrote "I love everything about you" if SHE suggested the book. However, if either he suggested it (which I'm sure most of us find somewhat unlikely) or if they had to do it for some kind of therapy (seriously, how do we know?) then I don't blame her. That really blows for both of them.
And we also all know that he will end up sleeping on the couch if anyone does. I'm not trying to be sexist or anything, but how often do you hear about a man making his wife sleep away from the bed? Especially since the OP clearly feels guilty about this particular event. Legitimately, it would be ridiculous for either one of them to force each other out over this, but it's very unlikely that she will be the one leaving the bed if anyone does.
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Uhh, no. In those books they tell you to never mention more than 3 things at a time, and to insert every negative in between two postives, at the very least. If he was following the book, he wouldn't dare consider writing a long list of negatives
Glad that you know what every single relationship book says. You must be an awesome librarian.
#130 - On 07/11/2009 at 11:14am by uscscreenwriter
Just to reply to GDinNJ (#82) - actually, I would imagine that it is far more typical for the woman to sleep on the couch in those situations. Unless the husband is a totally pussy-whipped bitch, but by that time in the relationship sex is probably so infrequent that any 'power' the woman derives from withholding it is long gone.
Besides, his list of items was pretty long, which suggests that there are any number of things that his wife needs to work on, which probably shows his patience with her has been steadily eroded over the past number of years. And if she is upset, she can be the one who sleeps somewhere else.
And I may be projecting with this last point, but so be it: chances are the husband has paid for the house and everything in it. This isn't 100% of course, but the vast majority of cases are like this, I assure you (yes even despite women's lib). Telling me to sleep on the couch when I've paid for the bed, and I've paid for the food, and I've paid for the house. Not going to happen.
I have to respond more generally to this comment again.
"And we also all know that he will end up sleeping on the couch if anyone does. I'm not trying to be sexist or anything, but how often do you hear about a man making his wife sleep away from the bed?"
Where exactly did you get this idea from - watching your parents, friends, friends parents, aunts, uncles and siblings? No you didn't. You got this idea from television.
Just to clear it up: Television is fake. Every commercial, every program - yes reality shows included. Television is not some sort of documentary device. It is pure entertainment. Its fake. So your comment above, irrelevant and based on nothing credible.
Yeah, no. You cannot expect your partner to be a mindreader. If she wanted to be told sweet things, she needs to have told him. She cannot expect him to just "know" that she doesn't want honesty!
@ Hoax
"chances are the husband has paid for the house and everything in it."
I know you did not just seriously say that.
#198 - On 07/11/2009 at 6:53pm by theanonimouse
I cannot for the life of me figure out why you are getting upset by my comment. I'm simply stating that the OP is clearly feeling somewhat guilty. Therefore we know that guilt will sometimes lead to a person doing something to make the person they have "offended" feel better.
If a person actually loves someone, they're not going to think the way you do. I'm making the assumption that you aren't married. Just a guess. Sometimes we need to ignore our pride and do things for other people. If the OP thinks that he should sleep on the couch to win his wife back, maybe he'll do that. Even if he isn't whipped.
And I second theanonimouse's statement. I cannot believe you even considered that it was a good idea to say that. At least 75% of the families in my community consist of two working parents. Sometimes the husband makes more money and sometimes the wife does. Your statement was inaccurate and, in all honesty, very offending, whether you intended it to be or not. So I apologize if my tone was unnecessarily biting, but I'm kind of annoyed with that particular part of your post.
i really fucking hope you are trolling, hoax. i don't know a SINGLE married couple in which the male buys everything. i bet that she spent just the same amount of money on the house as he did. this isn't the 1800's', you know, women actually have to get jobs.
i am not even a feminist, but that is just a disgusting thing to say.
as for the OP, his wife is fucking nuts and immature. if you are going to do an exercise, she might as well do it right. and crying over her husband being truthful is disgusting. she is a manipulating bitch. and she is lying, because it is impossible that she is not bothered by ANYTHING that he does. she set up theim situation so she could play victim. disgusting.
#208 - On 07/11/2009 at 8:08pm by monicamischief
Sorry, #189, but I've actually seen this in real life. No male member of my family (immediate and extended) has made their wife sleep on the couch. A good number of the women have done so. My parents do it if one of them is sick, too. If my dad's sick, he sleeps on the couch so as to not get my mom sick. If my mom's sick, he sleeps on the couch so she can have the bed.
#214 - On 07/11/2009 at 9:47pm by EmmieIvanovich
There are two points I suppose I should clarify. The first is that the man does not make the wife sleep on the couch - she opts to do so when he doesn't give into her nagging to do so.
The second is that there are geographical culture differences that I should have made clear. In the midwest, and many other areas of the country (US) there are many dual income families. These comprise the majority of lower middle and middle class households. In the area in which I live and work, the NY metro area, there are more single income families - and these single income, married families comprise most of the upper middle class households in the US. That is to say, in the majority of cases, the upper middle class household has a working husband and a non-working wife. This should make sense, the wife doesn't need to work when the husband can comfortably support the entire family.
I apologize that I took my experiences, and that of my colleagues, and extrapolated them to fit all households in the United States.
To reiterate, however, the OP might feel guilty, but he rationally has no reason to do so. His wife manipulated events to precisely the conclusion that occurred - and she, of course, feels bad for doing so, after the fact. I wouldn't be surprised if she has the gall to tell him to sleep on the couch, but I would be appalled if the OP complied.
@ Hoax
"The man does not make the wife sleep on the couch - she opts to do so when he doesn't give into her nagging to do so."
You, sir, are a terribly sexist individual. I'm not sure if you've realized this yet, or if you'll ever admit to it, but judging by your comments here, (and I understand this is a very narrow set of circumstances from which to draw a judgement of a person's character, but just bear with me here), you seem to have a very negative view of women. Nagging, manipulative, non-working, using sex as some kind of "power" against their husbands... it almost seems to me that you may have become embittered against women for some reason... a few failed relationships, maybe?
And don't act like you just weren't clear with your earlier comment about the man paying for "the house and everything in it," which you apparently assumed was true for "the vast majority of cases."
If you do just so happen to be surrounded by women of such character in the upper-middle class NY metro area, I suggest you travel a bit. We aren't all that way, I swear.
#225 - On 07/11/2009 at 11:48pm by theanonimouse
I can't believe you're so blind and stuck up as to assume the husband has paid for EVERYTHING in the house. In my family, my mother makes more money then my father. I do love my dad very much, but I do know that he wouldn't pay the bills without her.
For most of my family's friends, the husband has been with out a job for at least a year while the wife was the one working and earning money to live on until they picked themselves back up.
You need to get off your high horse and jump back down to reality.
You know, its not terribly inaccurate to call me sexist, but I suppose it should be mitigated by explaining that I wouldn't trust most men to even take out my trash. The problem is that I suffer from a biological compulsion to always give women the benefit of the doubt, and having dealt with them for a number of years I've simply become jaded by their constant failings. I mean, I see a man do something stupid, and I have no problem chucking him into the "total moron" category. When an attractive woman does it, there is always an ambivalence to my reaction, and then I become doubly disappointed, disappointed with her and disappointed with myself, when she repeats such idiotic behavior when I should have just checked her in the "Not worth it" bin.
The problem, honestly, has become far more apparent the more financially successful I've become. The predatory, lying behavior I have witnessed from women looking to ingratiate themselves to me is really no different than that of grifters setting up their next mark. I have friends who have married some of these people because they thought they were happy, only to be turned on the moment the ring was slipped on the finger. The problem is that the number of honest, trustworthy people in this world is overshadowed completely by legions, hordes of scum. I have actually started living well below my means, in hopes of finding someone genuine. Yes, foolishly hope still remains.
Concerning my own relations with women, I have absolutely been blackmailed on more than one occasion when it comes to sex - this is where the whole "you're sleeping on the couch" thing comes into it. Either agree with her, or you're not getting any - that's why the comment set me off, its blackmail, plain and simple. And concerning women in the workplace, I've also witnessed them use sex as a means to get ahead, or not be fired. Promotions come easy, and the amount of work you're expected to do is low, when you're being nailed by the boss - Hey, hes an asshole too. But that still doesn't forgive her for using her sex to do less work, and in general be less accountable.
The problem, again, is that I have a compulsion to forgive women when they should not be forgiven: "yeah that comment was brainless (and the whole line of thought to lead to it even more disturbing), but she's (probably) dynamite in the sack". My attitude is a defense mechanism. That realization, however, doesn't change the fact that the majority of people are untrustworthy, and my attitude is much more of a benefit than a hindrance. I may be a sexist individual because I distrust women on the whole, but I also distrust men on the whole, so "sexist" isn't the right word, how about "careful".
As far as women not working, while their husbands do, that again is a fact simply due to biology. Women give birth to children, so they are necessarily going to take time off from work. Childcare is expensive, so until the children go off to school it makes sense that the wife would look after them and her taking time off stagnates her position (not being at work isn't a good way to get promoted). This is all based on economic viability. To say it is sexist would be like saying a lion eating a gazelle is evil. Its just natural.
The problem is that, since most people are scum, the wife becomes attached to not working, and when the child is ready to go to school she does not try and get a job. Her indolence comes first- and this only occurs when her income isn't necessary to support the family. Thus while both people worked to begin with, the wife took time off to give birth and raise the child until it was ready for school, and during that time she changed. Which most people do. They change. Which is the heart of issue.
To get back to the OP's post, he understands that people change. He thought that he was saving his marriage by doing this relationship book, by staying in tune with his wife. She had other plans. It turns out he chose poorly.
While I disagree with your biological explanation for why women don't work, (not all women have children, you only have to take off work a couple weeks when giving birth, childcare could be shared between both parents working different shifts, etc), I sympathize with your attitude toward humanity.
I'm young, probably naive, and from a small, friendly town in south MS. I go to a small, friendly college. So, it makes sense that most of the people I know are friendly people. I don't know too many "scum bags," honestly. My sister is probably the worst I know, but she's got a debilitating disease, so I can find some justification for her marginally "manipulative" behavior - she literally cannot support herself, so maintaining a relationship with someone able to support her is, in her mind, an imperative.
I'm sorry you have such a negative view of society. Hopefully you'll be proven wrong at some point in the future. :)
#233 - On 07/12/2009 at 1:34am by theanonimouse
"That is to say, in the majority of cases, the upper middle class household has a working husband and a non-working wife. This should make sense, the wife doesn't need to work when the husband can comfortably support the entire family."
Ironically, this is the exact type of community that I reside in, haha. Although in my case, there are very few stay at home wives compared to the number of working mothers/wives. Ah well, I suppose different parts of the middle/upper class NY area have different norms, right?
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oh dude, that sucks. But its more your wifes FML. Poor woman
#5 - On 07/11/2009 at 3:56am by mickyblueeyes
how is that an FHL? They agreed to do so, and I would assume they both agreed to total honesty - he was, she either wasn't or is delusional/in denial.
#28 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:24am by BLNovelist
No when he said its more of you wife's FML he meant the wife should've written it not him!
#109 - On 07/11/2009 at 9:41am by ImAKlutz15
Awww that's so sad!
xD I'm really sure there are some things that you do that piss her off, but she was probably trying to be romantic about it all. Which really doesn't help the situation out.
Sorry, mate. FYL and FHL.
If you two actually needed to work on your relationship and didn't just get the book for fun, then she fails. I'm sure if she tried even a little she could think of something that annoys her, knowing what you need to change is an important part of relationships.
#9 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:00am by smiller0789
Keep this in mind for when she asks you how a dress looks on her. Or if she should lose weight. Or if another girl is pretty. Or if you'd remarry if something happened to her. Actually, keep it in mind whenever you're together.
To make think better, you should immediatelly take the list from her hands, take a pen and at the end of your list add "She lied in her part of the test."
Maybe that would little open her eyes :-) Because honestly... its impossible that thee is realyl nothing she dislike about you (especially when you are maried and living togeher). She was definetly not prepared for this book :-/ Bad for you - you will be the one to blame :-(
#11 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:01am by Agarwel
Well, I'm married, I live with my husband and have for the last 4 years...we never did that relationship book thing, but if someone told me to write down the things I dislike about him I wouldn't know what to write either. Sure there are things, and yes we do argue and no our relationship isn't perfect.
But the things I "dislike" about him are by far not worth shoving them in his face and upsetting him by doing so or making him think he needs to change his ways...because they're small things and when he left for Iraq I noticed that I'm not just missing the happy times with him but also the little tiny annoying things that I "dislike"
So it's completely possible that she didn't lie, or isn't delusional as said in other comments...
#53 - On 07/11/2009 at 5:42am by Puolukka
I agree, there are a few nitpicky things that my boyfriend does that I don't like (the hair in the bathroom, etc) but none of it is a relationship breaker and doesnt affect how we communicate and get along. I certainly wouldn't put those nitpicky things on a list of things that bothers me. That's for more important stuff. Sounds like OP was being callous.
#86 - On 07/11/2009 at 8:18am by nemesis_divina
well, we don't know what kind of things the OP put on his list. it could very well have been nitpicky stuff like that, and she's extremely sensitive. anyone who is married and says they can't think of anything that annoys them about their partner is a bold-faced liar. there's just no way. when you know a person on that level and spend so much time with them, there are going to be things that get on your nerves. it's just a fact of life.
#101 - On 07/11/2009 at 9:00am by fretforyerlatte
yeah, well the exercise didn't say "list the major things you seriously hate that are destroying your relationship" or "list the things you dislike but be careful not to hurt their feelings." the exercise said "list the things you dislike." he followed the directions, she didn't.
#160 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:26pm by diet_otaku
wel she kind of asked for it... you start a relationship book to address communication issues. you were able to communicate, which she obviously didnt take it as seriously. at least now she knows ha
#12 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:03am by iamazombie
It sounds to me like she brought this upon herself. If you're going to try using a relationship book with your wife/husband that should already be an indicator that things aren't going as good as they should. Your answers should have been expected. FYL
I actually know a lot of couples who don't have problems yet they still read relationship books together to strengthen their relationship and to prevent problems...like I know a lot of women who read a book, I forgot what it's called, that's supposed to help you make sure your hubby doesn't cheat on you...lol... :p
#55 - On 07/11/2009 at 5:44am by Puolukka
i'm sure now she doesn't love everything about you anymore ): but surely she can't love every single thing about you, nobody's perfect! :x
#14 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:05am by pingpongdj
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Adults crying is just sad. She needs to grow a pair.
#17 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:11am by satanicminnow1
Yes, store up all that hurt and anger and NEVER let it out. One should NEVER express to one's life partner any sense of disappointment or vulnerability. After all - our goal in relationships is to be mindless, emotionless automatons.
But thank god we will have "grown a pair."
Oh, and for the record - the wife was lying.
#96 - On 07/11/2009 at 8:46am by NonchalantSavant
She needs to grow balls? :s Actually adults cry on average every month, women usually a little more because of hormones. It's a natural process and I feel sorry for people that think there's some kind of shame in it.
Wow.
If I were you, I would rip the paper she gave you.
I´m pretty sure she´s going to give you a new one.
Why do men have to be so brutally honest?
Well that's because our thoughts are never twisted like women's! We just can't think in a twisted ways.
#22 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:16am by metheonlyb
Stereotypical males could deal with a little lightening up on the brutal half of the equation. Stereotypical females could deal with being less sensitive and being honest themselves.
#37 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:42am by SomeonePosting
Not all women are so sensitive and are scared of the truth. Yea for sure there's a lot of girls like his wife but i can guarantee you that theres actually more women that you think that can be actually very honest about things.
#107 - On 07/11/2009 at 9:35am by LebChickOnFira
If you're referring to SomeonePosting's statement(s), then that would be why he/she put "stereotypical."
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Man you're dumb. She too good for you yo, show her some respect. you're whack
#19 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:14am by AtLeastImHigh
Honesty is disrespectful now? I am very quickly losing faith in humanity.
#42 - On 07/11/2009 at 5:01am by Tubasaurus
I'd have to say that's FYL.
She obviously wasn't telling the truth, you were. But you should have expected that coming tbh.
If your wife is in such deep denial that she refuses to acknowledge that you're human, she doesn't love you. She loves the image she has created of you, the one that never makes mistakes. When she finally realizes that you are a real person with imperfections, she'll either leave you or cheat. Start going to couples therapy before that happens, or your marriage is doomed. DOOMED, I SAY!!!
You're kind of driving it to the extremes. Telling someone that their marriage is doomed simply because the wife was trying to be cute about a relationship book they were doing is WAY overstating it. Seriously.
Agreed. Thinking your partner is perfect is naive. This guy maybe made too long of a list but it's better to have a partner with flaws you can learn to love and live with, than to block out the things you dislike so you can live a fairy tale.
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omg thats so sad. i feel bad for the woman. :(
#24 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:20am by alexgisforme3
Odly enough I thought of the cosby show after reading this comment.
Did she redo her list to add things she doesn't like about you out of spite?
Aw :/ well at least you were being honest, and love her anyways..right? :P
#27 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:22am by waterynuggets
She was lying. No one is perfect, and there's gotta be SOMETHING (likely, LOTS of things) about you that annoy her. I'm sure she's complained about something at least once before... next time she does, point out that she didn't list anything!
That's depressing. But at least you seem to love her enough to do this with her, be honest, and care about her feelings. FYL, FHL, but tell her you didn't mean to hurt her (I take it you didn't) If she loves you that much you can work it out :)
Damn. You'd at least hope she wouldn't have agreed to an activity like that if she wasn't ready to deal with the outcome.
FYL indeed, wtfs the book for if shes gonna lie anyways. At least you know who is honest and whos not.
#35 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:36am by sblazer878
Wow. She definitely was not being honest, and is upset that you did not lie. That is terrible. Relationships are about honesty and communication, and I think that is probably in that book, and by saying "Nothing about you bothers me" is nothing short of a cop-out and blatant lie. How can she expect to improve her relationship if she isn't truthful?
Shit man that was a set up. Now you know to just lie to her from now on I guess
#40 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:48am by heavenandhell
Why the fuck would the OP deserve it by saying what he doesn't like about his partner. Obviously he doesn't know she is going to say nothing. He thought they were both going to say a bunch of stuff. It's the Wife's fault because she agreed to it. People think YDI for writing down something that your Wife agreed to. FYL def.
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She loves you uncondionally. Perhaps you should try the same.
Unconditional love cannot be forced. Also, when has there been a long relationship where neither person was bothered by the other? My girlfriend of almost 3 years does stuff that bugs the hell out of me, and I do things that bug the hell out of her, but we look past those things and learn from each other.
#47 - On 07/11/2009 at 5:11am by Tubasaurus
right, so you love each other unconditionally. that's the point we're trying to get across. even if the OP wanted his wife to know what bugged him about her, he didn't have to be so outright blunt about it. Do you think the OP has no habits that bug his wife? No, it's not possible. But she probably just didn't want to hurt his feelings, so she made him feel loved first, and then might have had a talk with him.
but the whole point of the exercise was to honestly discuss things that could be changed to improve the relationship. by pandering to your partner's ego in an attempt to "not hurt his/her feelings," all you're doing is sabotaging the entire exercise. i'm assuming she agreed to try out the exercises in the book, and so she should have taken it as seriously as the OP, and made an honest attempt.
#61 - On 07/11/2009 at 6:08am by theanonimouse
He does love her unconditionally--that's why he's with her even though she's not perfect. It's easier to love and get along with someone who's perfect and never gets on your nerves.
#69 - On 07/11/2009 at 6:52am by qazwerty
You can truly love someone but still have some things they could try to fix, that don't change their personality.
#136 - On 07/11/2009 at 12:19pm by XxKate1294xX
That was a setup and you really didn't deserve that. What the hell was she expecting to learn from this?
That was a total setup. She's lying.
FYL completely for having an overly-sensitive wife.
#45 - On 07/11/2009 at 5:08am by Tubasaurus
It probably wasn't a setup, for all the idiots out there. You know, a lot of times, wives actually love their husbands. I know it's hard for some of you losers out there, but yes, it happens.
You idiot, love doesn't mean a person will never get on your nerves. My parents love me, but I've exasperated them to extremes plenty of times. Get your mind right.
Of course she did it for the OP's feelings, not personal gain. BUT, the point of the exercise was to both be honest with each other, without having to worry. If she'd done it properly, neither of them would have cause to get upset because they'd both have a list to discuss. Just another way that men and women differ I guess, us men find it easier to draw a line between emotions and thoughts.
#64 - On 07/11/2009 at 6:25am by SimpleSimon
She set you up dude!!! Oh man that sucks, good luck in the doghouse lol
#62 - On 07/11/2009 at 6:12am by jd_superjive
I agree with a lot of the comments here - she might have been exaggerating to make you feel worse. Women can be overly emotional and often implement the "guilt trip" method of winning. You did the right thing by being honest. Just wait and see what happens.
You'd think that the OP would stop writing the "long list" after his wife just jotted down a few words -but he didn't specify whether they wrote the lists in each other's presence, so eh.
FYL for having your wife take the book so seriously and personally. I mean yeah - that would hurt my feelings, too, but she should have known better.
Plus - I can't believe that was the first exercise in the book. That's a really negative way to start a book that's supposed to "help" relationships.
#68 - On 07/11/2009 at 6:43am by takemehome
Sorry for double post! But I agree with #58 also.After she saw your list that's when you say " See this list and I still love you."Flip it on her LOL.Just Kidding
Spelling fail. :p
@OP - I find myself agreeing that you don't deserve it. You were being honest, and not trying to be hurtful. It sucks, but the fact she was just trying to be nice to you shows that she has created an image of you, and it is a "perfect one" that is not the truth. If you end up sleeping on the couch, don't worry about it. Guys like it though, it's like camping. Hahaha
So you two decided to write down eachothers flaws and show them to eachother, then she doesnt do it, and then because she didnt do it, you get punished.
When you find yourself in a relationship in which you are unable to address your grievances, I recommend you change your relationship radically or get out.
At least your being honest in your relationship and thats a good thing. You gotta great wife and your lucky she said that about you
#80 - On 07/11/2009 at 7:29am by Swagga_man_386
I think she has insecurity problems if she can't find one flaw in you. However I could say you would too, seeing as you can see many flaws in her.
#81 - On 07/11/2009 at 7:57am by Alexgoesfml
haha my friend did this but did not plan on giving it to his girlfriend but she found it and it bought hers to tears also
You did nothing wrong. You agreed to go through the book, and you were honest about the problems in your relationship. She obviously has blinders on regarding your relationship. That's not a good thing at all. This isn't a "Does this dress make me look fat" question (where the answer is always "no"), this is "we need to work on our relationship and deal with some serious problems." In that case, provided you didn't put something down like "You eat all the cookies in the house" you really have nothing to apologize for.
Women are tricky like that. They want you to open up about your feelings and when you do, they get mad. BTW, if you're buying a relationship book, it's only a matter of time before the big D. Been there, done that. FYL.
#85 - On 07/11/2009 at 8:13am by doloreshaze
If I were you I would keep her paper handy for future instances of her becoming upset at you.
Husband: Why are you acting upset? (passes wife the paper) You love "everything about me".
Don't feel bad, you played by the rules.
You were being honest, probably more so than your wife. You can't work on it without being so. You did a good thing.
#91 - On 07/11/2009 at 8:33am by Heavenguard
You're kind of driving it to the extremes. Telling someone that their marriage is doomed simply because the wife was trying to be cute about a relationship book they were doing is WAY overstating it. Seriously.
Your wife is full of shit. There is no way two people can live with each other and have absolutely nothing bother them about each other.
#95 - On 07/11/2009 at 8:45am by JessRab
The OP didn't say "she bought this book and made me fill it out".. but "my wife and I decided to try" it. Stop blaming the woman for "manipulating" him. She loved everything about him and found out that he despised a lot of things about her, imagine how she might be feeling right about now? My boyfriend told me after 3 years the things he cant stand about me, and it was one of the worst mistakes he ever made. There is honesty, and there is crossing a line. Those books are meant to strengthen relationships, and you REALLY shouldn't have made a list that long. That's just asking for trouble.
I read this exact thing in Reader's Digest years ago, except it was the wife who suggested it and went first, and when it was the husband's turn he said he loved her exactly as she was. I suspect this one is a fake...
Your wife lied. Who knows why if she suggested that you do it, but she definitely lied. No one wants to be with someone who is perfect because that would just be boring, I'm sure there is at least one thing she dislikes and she lied. Her fault not yours.
105(gsm ), I'm pretty sure with the 6 BILLION PEOPLE milling around in this world, there are chances of this happening to other couples,you nincompoop.
OP, I said YDI because this was clearly a setup by the wife. I am female before the females start slamming me. YDI also because you NEVER do those relationship book things esp. if she asked you to: 1st red flag.
No offense but your wife is either naive,lying or a serious idiot. Unless you are a robot, you have faults too and she should've listed them too.
FHL for being a blatant liar in order to live out a fairy tale where everything is perfect. I'd say FYL for having a wife who's way too sensitive though. Women who cry at the drop of a hat annoy the heck out of me.
Like someone already said, tell her to man up and get her head out of the clouds; this is the real world not a Disney movie
#110 - On 07/11/2009 at 9:42am by bollywood_rocks
honestly, this sounds like an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond"...
#114 - On 07/11/2009 at 10:00am by protooler31
You know...some people just suggest/agree to these things as a joke. In other words, she might have already thought everything was just fine. Like: "Oh yes, totally, we need this book because we have SO many things wrong in our relationship..."
I can see how she's upset. She probably does have some things that annoy her about her husband, but because she loves him she's willing to tolerate it. (That's what love is about, you uneducated virgins.)
He, on the other hand, obviously can't seem to accept her flaws and therefore she wonders if he really loves her at all.
Fake or not, I feel bad for both the OP and his wife But mostly the wife, because she got the worst end of it I think. I also think that her husband could have used *just* a *bit* more tact, the list didn't have to be so long. (I'm surprised she didn't at least write analystic, insensitive SOB on hers.)
Those of you who keep blaming the woman: you all suck.
I think the OP is really only guilty of being tactless, namely, writing too long of a list and not softening it with something like "but I love you and you are still my perfect woman". but being brutally honest is more of a plus in a relationship, in my experience. i think it's the best when both parties give each other honest feedback, positive and negative, throughout the relationship, and never take for granted when the other person does a nice thing. simple daily rituals of compliments and affection really work miracles in keeping both sides happy and appreciative or each other. ppl are also more receptive to constructive criticisms when they are reassured constantly of the other person's appreciation of him/her. just my $0.02. this fml is really a fyl and fhl.
Wow. I`m guessing that she proposed the book. But all the same, she kind of had it coming. Guys are pretty much honest with this stuff.
On the girl`s behalf, she was just attempting something cute and to tell you that even though you`re flawed, she loves you. Like all the other people here saying, I do believe that everyone has something that they don`t like about their partner. It`s just the fact that you love them that makes you overlook them and makes then insignificant in your relationship.
Otherwise, FYL. You meant well - sort of. You were honest.
#118 - On 07/11/2009 at 10:18am by x_Devilish
I still can't believe some guys still fall for the "tell me all my flaws so that we can be a stronger couple" trick. Guys, it never works, girls don't like to be told what is wrong with them. subtlety working at it, acceptable. Anyway, let that be a lesson to you guys. (and always make her show her hand first)
#121 - On 07/11/2009 at 10:26am by forget_it_all09
lol.... I could only imagine the look she gave you when she saw that paper full of comments....owned.
Sir, your wife has just been owned. Please pick up your winnings on your way out.
#123 - On 07/11/2009 at 10:27am by CyclonePsycho
She must not really want to work on the relationship if she's not willing to actually be honest and do the work. You didn't have to write a huge long list, just a few things would do, but still... there must be SOME things about you that bother her. I can see why you'd feel guilty but really she should wake up to reality and start doing the work if she expects to help the marriage.
#127 - On 07/11/2009 at 10:53am by jmgirl
You both deserve it. These exercises are usually fully outlined in "rules".
A long list was overboard - of course it hurt her feeling. Every negative shouldve been followed with what you do like. She was overwhelmed with the negatives.
She deserves it because she shouldve put Something down - nothing is a cop out. Even something minor that you guys can work on together. Saying nothing I love you is entrapment& manipulative regardless of who's idea it was to do this.
Her fault for lying. But a "very long" list, really? You should've just written down the most important ones.
#134 - On 07/11/2009 at 11:58am by kitkatkelly
You're an idiot. and the fact you're married is amazing. Why did you agree to this idea you stupid, stupid idiot?! Such a trap man, come on...THINK!!
"dun dun dunnn" Anyway. FYL and YDI. You should know better.
#140 - On 07/11/2009 at 12:28pm by spillproof
I agree you were being honest, but making a long list was an asshole thing to do. You should have agreed to pick 5 things. That's it. Not a long list. use your common sense man! IT'S NOT THAT HARD. Because if you guys were trying to "fix problems", You just made them worse. A LOT WORSE.
#141 - On 07/11/2009 at 12:29pm by StarrieyedFML
I agree with a lot of the opinions that suggest that the OP's wife could be lying...but I wouldn't exactly DEEM it lying. I mean, I think it's possible to love someone so whole-heartedly that you can look PAST those flaws, because that's the beauty of love.
But looking past the flaws doesn't mean that there aren't habits or quirks that his wife is annoyed by. Oprah said something about how women shouldn't place men on a pedestal, because they're men and nothing more, not some sort of Quasi-God.
So FYL for having to deal with an emotional wife even though all you did was tell the truth ..
Aww your wife is so sweet, how could you ever do that to her. I don't think she was lying since she teared up a bit too.
But again, what are you, 16?
Don't worry, you did the right thing, and she was obviously lying.
You're being honest, she may cry now but she will appreciate your honesty (unless you were unbelievably mean and said horrible things about any aspect of hers)
Dude, that's not your fault. She needed to be honest if she really wants the book the work. Im sure she does love you, but I find it hard to believe that there's not ONE thing about you that gets on her nerves. Don't feel bad!!!
you deserved it for being a douchebag, fuck you're wife's life for marrying such an asshole
#152 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:04pm by johnnyramone
Okay, take it from a married woman that is totally in love with her husband: She was lying her ass off.
There's no way in hell that there is NOTHING about you that grates on her nerves once in a while - even if it's the way you ALWAYS fall asleep in the middle of the movies SHE picks to see, or how you cut her off in the middle of a conversation to ramble about some new band you've heard of, or how you complain about XYZ not being done, when you can't even remember to rinse the sink after you shave.
The whole idea that SHE came up with this relationship book idea, then didn't follow the instructions sounds like a total baiting tactic to me. I HATE it when women do this manipulative bullshit. It really gives the sane, realistic ones among us a bad name.
#153 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:07pm by LadyAlathia
Sorry your wife doesn't have any desire to improve your relationship.
#154 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:10pm by eggbrtshootsfire
poor thing D:
I bet she just wanted to make you feel good about yourself and you just right shit down.
You realize it was probably in the book to do something 'cute' like that?
#155 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:15pm by carmakitten
she probably wasnt even telling the truth. who really doesnt have one thing that bothers somebody else, especially living with them?
#156 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:15pm by Trakstar84
PS: She was probably lying to make you feel badly so that she could be the "winner" of the exercise.
#157 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:17pm by eggbrtshootsfire
FYL. She should've been honest. That's the whole point of those relationship books. Either you're trying to fix something in the relationship, or just trying to make it stronger. You were both supposed to write down what bothers you about the other person. You did your part. She didn't do hers. So, she deserved it.
#161 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:38pm by theoceanscool
Good Lord I would have felt so bad. You should deffinetely buy her flowers or something to make it up to her.
#163 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:56pm by Princess_LC
SDI. Honestly, it's hard to love everything about a person.
You might like it sometimes, but c'mon, really?
But yeah. Buy her some flowers.
As a girl, I can find alot of things about us that we could definitely do without.
I don't know how you guys tolerate us, ahaha.
She's hurt, but she should understand that, lol.
#166 - On 07/11/2009 at 2:08pm by casscontagious
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
Wow. Retard, i cant believe you did that. Your wife is awesome for writing what she did, and your a asshole.
bitch.
#167 - On 07/11/2009 at 2:09pm by ChocolatexGames
Why are so many people here offended by honesty? This was a lose-lose situation. I swear some people can never be pleased.
#170 - On 07/11/2009 at 2:28pm by Tubasaurus
Aww, well, maybe you should have made a smaller list.
Then you could be like "let's visit this from time to time, add more things, and cross off the things that have changed, or we have gotten over!"
>_>; I know that's kinda manipulative too, but at the same time, you're being honest, and sparing her feelings a little.
Sounds like you shouldn't be married if you have such a long list :-\ Also, her part, she's lying. She atleast has a COUPLE of things she doesn't like about you!
#172 - On 07/11/2009 at 2:38pm by smileychik95
that's not your fault at all. you did what it told you to. she didn't. no big deal. sucks nonetheless.
That's bull. Trust me, you do some stuff that annoys your wife. Otherwise, you would never have started the stupid book. She's got to be ready for stuff like that and she's got to be more honest with you. I hate it when other women act like idiots, they give us a bad rep.
#177 - On 07/11/2009 at 3:12pm by Telcontar14
FYL. I hope you wrote, "lying", "passive aggressive", "manipulative", "petty", and "childish" on the list. Her tears are probably fake too. If she gets more passive aggressive about this and start doing the, "well you hate me so blah blah blah" sh*t, tell her to shut her trap. Apparently nothing about you bothers her, so telling her to shut her trap shouldn't do anything either. Nothing about you bothers her, she she should be thrilled to receive the list.
FYL for having a total b*tch for a wife. Too bad it's too late to dump her and divorces are costly.
FYL and YDI...FYL because what's the point of trying out a relationship book if you're not going to honestly try to work on things? She should've done the list the right way. But also, it's a YDI because you made such a long list. You should've just picked the main things that annoy you the most and left it at that. But I don't think your wife was being overly sensitive, like some have said, because ANYONE would get a little upset reading a huge list of things that annoy their SO, whether you both did the exercise right or not!
As everyone else has said, she must have been lying. There's gotta be SOMETHING about you that bothers her.
Maybe now it's the long list you wrote? Lol.
#181 - On 07/11/2009 at 3:59pm by BlaisOf_Fire91
LMAO! Well, relationships are based on honesty. Your wife isn't being honest with her reply. I've never known a single couple, no matter what stage of the relationship they were in [first few months, 2 years, engaged, married, etc] that was 100% happy with their relationship. Nobody's perfect. We all do things that bother our significant other at one point or another.
#182 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:12pm by sickinlove13
wtf whyd u listen to that book. now look wat happened
#185 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:22pm by onizukasuplex
I'm married and if I was asked to write a list of things that bother me about my husband, I wouldn't be able to think of anything serious to write. (Except for tiny things like snoring or wearing ugly ties or whatever.) So, it doesn't mean that the woman in the story is "lying." FherLife
Your wife is so full of sh*t, i mean.... "nothing, i love everything?" seriously?
#190 - On 07/11/2009 at 5:00pm by ilovekarma
I'd rather a husband who told the truth than tell me lies. The point was to fix the damn relationship. My boyfriend and I do this sometimes. We point out the things that we sometimes get annoyed with and then we FIX them. No hard feelings on either side. Your wife's really mean to entrap you like that. FYL, really.
#191 - On 07/11/2009 at 5:20pm by Ianslilgoofball
You should have taken back the paper from her, added "Doesn't take relationship exercises seriously" to the bottom, and handed it back to her.
#193 - On 07/11/2009 at 6:17pm by MoobyTheCow
Aww, that's so sad. Though if she was the one who suggested it, she kind of had it coming. FYL, though. Poor wifey.
Your wife's dishonesty is probably why the relationship is failing. My ex was terrible with that sort of thing, she'd tell me I did something wrong (or was continuously doing something wrong) 2-3 months after it happened/started. No wonder it failed, she gave me nothing to work with.
lol if my boyfriend and I were doing that, I would have wrote, "Everything about chu 'bothers' mi :P"
#199
Since you resort to quoting Achmed in lieu of an actual response, I can assume that you lack the ability to think for yourself, and/or are 12 years old.
How is he an asshole? For being honest? Shit you're right, he must be the next Hitler.
Awww! It's true, at least you were being honest! There's no way there's absolutely nothing about you she doesn't like... but she was being sweet :( aww. You should emphasize the things you love about her... and tell her that compared to everything about a person a page of things isn't comparable to all the things she is as a person that you love (assuming that's true). Good luck
This FML was brought to you by Happy Cat Kitty Litter. Get more cats... because entering into a relationship will turn you into a squabbling bore unless you shut down your brain. Happy Cat, everybody.
why is everyone so angry at the OP?
he was following the rules and telling the truth. sure, it sucks for the wife... but it's not his fault.
#205 - On 07/11/2009 at 8:00pm by mehwhateverr
I tell my wife about things she does that bother, irritate, and outright anger me on a daily basis, and she does it to me in kind.
Fuck everyone who is taking a crap on this guy, honesty is the best thing in a relationship, and if his wife can't take that, then she needs to grow up and grow a pair and get over it.
Sorry, honey, but life isn't all princesses and happily ever after; people are human, and they have faults. If you can't handle the fact that your man doesn't think you're a perfect little queen, then tough. Shit.
Your wife should try being a little more honest, in my opinion.
Itt's not your fault you took the activity seriously. :/
FYL for having a liar for a wife.
seriously. if she said "nothing" she was lying. it's not that easy. she can love you to death and back, but there is almost guaranteed to be something about you, or something you do that bothers her.
That's really her fault for suggesting making the lists.... and she lied. Lol...
#218 - On 07/11/2009 at 10:34pm by Sparky09
Everyone says "she lied she lied", i think she was accepting his faults. To her, it couldve been endearing quirks. I thought it was cute, i think the guys a douche
#219 - On 07/11/2009 at 10:56pm by ScreamingLibra
Women are real good at hiding their feelings. So she was probably lying when she wrote nothing, but she doesn't know she was lying until you annoy her. Trust me. I should know, im a girl
You do not deserve it.
She's bullshitting you anyways. And she's insecure.
She needs counseling.
#223 - On 07/11/2009 at 11:27pm by InfectedWithDrew
this is neither FYL or YDI
1) its sweet that she wrote nothing (when im sure there is something)
2) at least you were honest
3) she will work on those
4) every girl wants to be told what bothers their partner.
end of story.
#224 - On 07/11/2009 at 11:38pm by Figureskater_15
You're a jackass that doesn't deserve a wife like that.
#226 - On 07/11/2009 at 11:50pm by thisisnotagame
oh come on. i'm pretty sure she wrote that to be sweet, and was hoping you would do the same. i would hope that she would love everything about you, but you two just seemed to take the relationship book differently: you were honest (maybe too much, but i won't fault you for it) and probably trying to strengthen your relationship by trying to become better spouses to each other, and she probably saw it as a way to get closer and sweeter. everyone finds at least one thing annoying about their significant other, huge or infintessimal, so take comfort in knowing that at least *you* were telling the truth.
#228 - On 07/12/2009 at 12:19am by idkwtfimdoing
Okay. Several things here. One, I'm not sure this qualifies as an FML. Two, no one, and I mean NO ONE, has absolutely nothing to complain about when it comes to marriage. This guy sounds respectable, and willing to say what's on his mind and not lie. She seems immature, and far too obsessed with a warped sense of perfection.
This makes me laugh and cry. Her list was really sweet, and very nice, but its def. Not ydi, you just followed instructions
Hahaha, well, maybe y'all could work on striking a better balance. More positive compliments from you, more blunt honesty from her.
Well...if it makes you feel any better...even though I'm a woman...I even say your wife is lying. I love my boyfriend....but trust me, there is a LOOONG list of habits that bug me about him. Her saying that none of your habits, or behaviors bothers her....well, that's a flat out lie. At least you were honest with her.
#236 - On 07/12/2009 at 2:14am by ChelseaAnn08
FYL for being married to someone who can't be honest about her feelings. YDI for making your wife cry.
#237 - On 07/12/2009 at 2:40am by FoundManyLemons
How did more people click "YDI?" In what universe do you people live? He was doing the right thing, she wasn't.
#238 - On 07/12/2009 at 2:45am by christopherlove
Well the book said write stuff down, and he did, you can't solve problems by saying you love everything about him now can you
Maybe she really couldn't find anything that annoyed her. Or maybe it was just that miniscule that it really didn't bother her all that much so she didnt write it down.
#243 - On 07/12/2009 at 12:36pm by followmyvoice
dont even feel bad, she lied cuz she was expecting you to do the same, and you didnt which is the good part.
#245 - On 07/12/2009 at 8:52pm by hushmyurgetocry
aww, but i bet she did want u to change some things, i mean i love my bf alot, but seriously he needs to take more showers
#246 - On 07/12/2009 at 9:57pm by xxsmilingclover
That's her fault. She was supposed to make a list. And she's a woman- every woman hates numerous things about her spouse.
#249 - On 07/12/2009 at 11:31pm by kaitycat101
Damn, man.
I don't derive pleasure when my girlfriend admits something she doesn't like about me(a habit, an attitude, what have you), but ultimately, I appreciate it and respect her more for it.
If you haven't gathered by now from the other comments, just know that you aren't to blame, here. She created a prefect little situation in her head, and because upset when her fantasy didn't become reality. YOU were trying to legitimately help things.
Good luck with your relationship in the future.
WOW your a dick...and the bad thing is she meant it too!!! Just try and make-up
#252 - On 07/13/2009 at 3:42am by callmema14
I think this is kinda a good situation for the wife to know what bothers her husband that she does so that once she reads it, she can improve herself as much as she can and the relationship would then get stronger and will be less likely for a divorce to occur in the future of their relationship.
Sorry you had to deal with the fun of that... she definitely should have written something down if she was being honest - no one's perfect, and there's got to be at least 1 thing you do that bothers her. Grats on being honest, but next time maybe just write down 1-3 things that shouldn't kill her to change, not a long list. Never good to go with a long, blunt list. Just a couple things at a time.
Tsk tsk. Everyone knows that you're supposed to lie in those things
#259 - On 07/14/2009 at 12:55am by PlayWithFire
its obvious that you're suppose to lie you jerk-off........you not gonna get any in a long time..make sure to make friends with your hand
#260 - On 07/16/2009 at 2:04pm by spawn_of_satan
how were you suppose to know? Though to be fair. you shouldve objected to idea of telling your wife her faults. most people cant handle that
#262 - On 07/16/2009 at 8:56pm by DWdizzy
That sucks! Your wife is a liar! That's something else to add to the list!!
On the plus side, now she can change her "nothing" to "my husband took this ridiculous relationship book seriously and actually did the activity the way it was supposed to be done and that really pisses me off!!"
#264 - On 07/26/2009 at 10:24am by AlyshaDeShae
That's entrapment!!!
On an unrelated note, why would an activity like that be in a relationship book? That's not constructive...
#266 - On 08/28/2009 at 1:01am by DynamicDave
hmm...hoax is it? I believe that your comment is bs. I don't understand half of it and I don't want to read a fucking book either. Anyways, as for you OP, I'm really sorry, I think that this is just horrible that she didn't really do the exercise right and then gets all pissy when you do. It's not right and honestly she's just manipulating you at this point.
#269 - On 01/31/2010 at 8:51pm by musicxfreakx38
