crackertrail88

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML

Fundies

Today, my father spent half an hour trying to convert my cat to Christianity. He has already done this with my other two cats. He's completely serious and thinks they are born-again Christians. FML

Today, I walked in on my father and brother attempting to harmonize their farts. FML

Braggadocious

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML

This is fine

Today, I was given a DUI while in the Whataburger drive thru. FML

Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it "Horny". FML

Messy girls

Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML