dwar79

Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML

Good news

Today, I told to my son that I'm pregnant. After I'd told him, he looked up and yelled, "Fuck this shit!" and walked out of the room. My son is nine years-old. FML

Today, my kitten decided that having diarrhea was not a good enough reason to stop running in circles around my living room. FML

Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML

Please, think of my family…

Today, I got mugged by a guy who was threatening me with a stapler. FML

Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML

Grow up

Today, while working the drive-through at McDonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" and throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML

Today, the first snow of the season fell. My husband celebrated by pelting me with snowballs, while I was on the toilet. FML

Mr Rogers

Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML

Today, I sent out a text saying "Smile! You're beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise." to most of my contacts. I got one reply, from my best friend, saying, "Are you fucking stupid?" FML