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lovers5201

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KathrinLor...

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Tasty

I wish it was gum - 23/10/2018 12:00

Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied, "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML

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The family tree is a stump

Anonymous - 30/10/2018 12:00

Today, my family is too damn close. My uncle on my dad's side just got my aunt on my mum's side pregnant, three cousins from dad's side are dating three cousins from mum's side, and a half brother from my dad is marrying my half sister from my mum. We are the inbred rednecks of this town. FML

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Anonymous - 30/10/2018 15:30

Today, I was fired from my job for sexual harassment. I was shopping after work, and I had to get my female manager to give me a package of extra-large condoms from the lockbox. I could not convince her that I was not flirting, and she took it to HR. FML

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idaaan - 31/10/2018 03:00 - Sweden - Karlstad

Today, when I came home, my dildo was placed in the middle of the bed. I last put it in my drawer. I only live with my dad. FML

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Anonymous - 10/08/2013 04:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

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