Miss In a relationship
Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML
Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML
Today, as I awoke, the sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and police sirens were wailing at a drug bust next door. FML
Today, my cat still loves me too much. He schedules his dumps for when I'm doing my makeup in the bathroom so he can stay with me. I either have to suffer the noxious odor or be late for work. This is a daily thing. FML
Today, I finally found out why my new co-worker has been shooting me dirty looks, being rude to me, and generally trying to avoid me. It's because I have blonde hair and blue eyes, and she thinks people like me are Nazis. FML
Today, I found out that my wife sheds worse than a husky when she showers. I've had to clean the drain before I shower or it floods the bathroom floor. FML
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