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Sexy talk

hamburger - 06/07/2013 21:21 - United States - Adrian

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

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offbeans - 17/02/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

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vrossie_ - 08/09/2013 05:56 - United States

Today, my mom was sharing the story of how I was born with the umbilical cord around my neck. My sister added that it was God's first attempt to kill me off. FML

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vrossie_

vrossie_ 15

Monday 9 September 2013 21:43

Yea it was clever. I shared it to my Biology class and they all laughed.

disataerkatie - 15/07/2013 10:30 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, the guy I was on a date with jokingly challenged me to an arm wrestle. I won. He left. FML

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disataerkatie

disataerkatie 6

Monday 15 July 2013 20:19

I wish I had longer arms. Possibly the best part is that he is an entire foot taller than I am...

ouch - 12/07/2013 07:22 - United States

Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML

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