Mr Mesa, US 29 years-old In a relationship
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, as an April fools day joke, I decided to tell my mom and dad that I was gay. After an awkward silence, my mom looks at me, smiles, and says, "well, we have known for a while." She wasn't joking. FML
Today, I saw what I thought was a gallon jug of water. Trying to do something spontaneous and fun, I took my hardest swing at it to see how far I could kick it. It was frozen solid. I broke my foot. FML
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML
Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, "I need a nap," but my iPhone changed it to "I need anal." I sent it. FML
Today, I bought an otter box. While setting up my iPhone, I dropped it and it is now shattered. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
Today, due to "severe cuts to the budget" at work, I had to stir my coffee with a paperclip. FML
Today, Santa ran over my foot with a Segway. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky. He pulled off my panties and was about to go down on me when he said, "Wait, what's this white thing?" It was a piece of toilet paper. FML
Today, I woke up with Skittles superglued to my forehead. FML
Today, on my first day of work, I got fired after 45 minutes. FML
Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML
Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML
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