jessieff9099

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

The bitch is back

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later, I got a text saying, "I just dropped the bitch off, I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I later asked him about it. He said, "Megan, I have no idea what you're talking about." My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it "Horny". FML

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML

Today, I learned that my son goes on online chat rooms and has sexual fantasy role-play. To make matters worse, the characters he uses are from My Little Pony. FML

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML