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It's not a phase, Mom

By Anonymous - 03/07/2026 12:00 - United States - Covington

Today, my mom found my sketchbook full of realistic dicks. She woke me up to show me with concern, and the page she showed as an example was specifically someone getting a handjob. For context, I draw lewd stuff for the laughs, and being an artist just makes it not work out in my favor. She now thinks I am a perv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 311

No thanks

By Anonymous - 27/07/2026 03:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, I asked my friend if he’d ever consider going vegan, like me. His response was, and I quote, “Ew, no, I’d rather get shot! How dare you even ask?” A simple “No thanks, I’m not interested” would’ve done just fine, bro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 570

Box fresh

By Anonymous - 07/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I was giving a lecture when I noticed everyone smiling at me. I thought my jokes were finally landing until a coworker pointed out that the price tag from my brand-new shirt was hanging out of the back of my collar the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 241

GET OUT

By tired af - 08/07/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent twenty minutes trying to shoo a bird out of my apartment. After finally getting it outside, I closed the window, turned around, and realized I'd locked myself out instead. The bird flew away. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 259

UFO

By Anonymous - 29/07/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I found a mysterious container in the back of my fridge. I opened it to try and figure out what it was. I still don't know what it was, but now my entire flat smells like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 255

Happy health warning!

By Anonymous - 02/07/2026 15:00 - United States - Gary

Today, I stayed up until 2 a.m. building my daughter's birthday present because I wanted everything to be perfect when she woke up. She opened the little oven door on the toy kitchen, and the whole thing collapsed onto the floor. I found an unopened bag of screws sitting on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 470

DMV blues

By Anonymous - 06/07/2026 03:00 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I spent two hours finding, gathering, and printing documentation to go to the DMV to get my real ID. Makeup, hair, everything done, on my way there. They’re closed today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 372

Where am I?

By Lost - 18/07/2026 12:00 - France - Paris

Today, out of desperation, I had to fight my social anxiety in order ask a stranger for directions in a new city. She gave me a detailed answer, and I thanked her, then walked the wrong way for 15 minutes because I was too embarrassed to admit I’d understood none of it past the first sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 323

I wanna go home

By Tired - 05/07/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, my flight landed after a 12-hour trip, and I walked out of the airport without checking a single bag. Twenty minutes into my drive home, the airline called asking why I'd left my passport at immigration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 362

Settler setters

By Anonymous - 15/07/2026 00:00 - United States - Lady Lake

Today, my dogs have coordinated a T-formation as I lay down to sleep. Essentially cutting me off 80% of the bed. Too tired to fight, too annoyed to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 318

Not the time or the place

By Lauren - 13/07/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I built up the courage to approach my gym crush. I walked over, smiled, and said, "You smell amazing." I meant to say he looked amazing. He faintly smiled, then slowly went back to the rowing machines without saying a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 343

Hangry

By Anonymous - 22/07/2026 00:00 - United States - Waynesburg

Today, I stopped at a mini-mart and bought a family-size bag of potato chips, a tub of dip, a box of toaster pastries, and some snack cakes. The guy at the counter said, "Wow, someone's hungry!" I told him it wasn't all for me, paid, and left in a huff. It was all for me. I ate it all by that evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 395

Clack clack

By Anonymous - 29/07/2026 20:00 - Australia

Today, I heard my washing machine making a strange noise. I nervously waited for the cycle to end so I could open it and investigate. The noise was my car keys. I'd somehow washed them, my wallet and $20 without noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 285

Hangry boy

By Anonymous - 23/07/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I ordered a food delivery because I was too tired to cook. I tracked the driver on the app for 20 minutes before realizing I'd sent it to my old address. My former neighbor enjoyed my tacos more than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 354

Brake check

By Suzie - 03/07/2026 15:00 - Australia

Today, I was taking my driving test and everything was going perfectly. As I pulled back into the testing center, I smiled because I knew I'd passed. Then I got out of the car without pulling the handbrake. The examiner had to jump back in and hit the brakes before it rolled into an actual parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 435

Today's mystery item

By Curious George - 19/07/2026 15:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I found an old USB drive and spent an hour trying to open it because I was sure it had important files on it. It contained one blurry photo of my thumb and a Word doc titled “Do not open", which was actually blank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 260

Hello?

By unarmed - 14/07/2026 00:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I walked into what I thought was my friend's apartment, dropped my backpack on the couch, and started complaining about work. A complete stranger then walked out of the kitchen holding a sandwich, saw me, then yelled "HELP!" I apologized, grabbed my bag, and somehow took his TV remote with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 399

Where am I?

By Doordashed - 28/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I got a notification that my food had been delivered. I opened my front door and found nothing. After ten minutes of panic, I checked the delivery photo. It was of my old apartment. I moved out eight months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 363

First day

By Anonymous - 13/07/2026 22:00 - Canada

Today, after I'd told everyone I would finally be starting meal prepping to save money, on the very first day, I forgot every container in my fridge, so I still had to buy my lunch during my lunch break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 313

Missed that part of training, eh?

By I DID NOT KNOW - 09/07/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I found a mysterious button under my desk at work and pressed it out of curiosity. It was the emergency panic alarm. Within five minutes, security, my manager, and then two confused police officers were asking if I was OK. I just wanted to know what the button did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 529

Curtain call

By Anonymous - 19/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I was part of a community theater play as a prop helper. I was supposed to slide a fake letter under a door, but I got overenthusiastic and kicked it into the audience. The actor improvised, but the crowd laughed harder at my blunder than the actual play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 315

Point taken

By Billy - 06/07/2026 15:00 - United States - New York

Today, after a nasty argument about the "necessity" of cars, I accepted a challenge to move a washing machine with a bicycle trailer. I got it loaded on, then started off down the street. The first time I tried to stop, I ran into a ditch with the washing machine falling on top of me. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 701

Master the blade

By Douglas - 18/07/2026 20:00 - Australia - Melboune

Today, I tried to be helpful at a family dinner and offered to carve the roast. The knife slipped, the serving tray tipped. My uncle caught it with his bare hand like a movie hero. Everyone praised him for dinner-saving reflexes while I quietly sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 309

Not a morning person

By Anna backwards is annA - 19/07/2026 12:00 - Germany - Saarbrücken

Today, I woke up early for work, then yanked my phone by the charger cord on my nightstand to look at it. I gravely underestimated the force by which I pulled the charger and the whiplash of my phone popped me square in the nose. Hard. I have a bruise now. I hope people don't think my boyfriend is a domestic abuser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 280

Peak efficiency

By WTF - 01/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got round to organizing my apartment, sorting everything into boxes and shelves. However, due to my arbitrary sorting method, I now can't find everyday things because they're not in their usual place (in a clutter on my desk), including the charger cable I used five minutes ago. My place looks organized. My life does not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 193

Guess that's a "No thanks" then

By Anonymous - 21/07/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I tracked down my long-lost daughter after losing her to foster care 26 years ago when I was on drugs. I knocked on her door and introduced myself, going in for a hug. She maced me and physically kicked me back into the hall, threatening a restraining order if I ever spoke to her again, and slammed the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 895

Classic

By Anonymous - 18/07/2026 09:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was proud of myself for remembering my wallet, keys and phone before leaving for the airport. I got all the way to security before realizing I’d left my passport on the kitchen table, right next to the travel mug I also forgot to bring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 369

Some mysteries remain unsolved

By Anonymous - 16/07/2026 20:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I picked up a receipt in a parking lot and noticed someone had spent $437 on decorative gourds. My entire day was ruined by questions that would never be answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 309

Like and subscribe!

By Anonymous - 11/07/2026 09:00 - Canada

Today, after I bought a giant bag of birdseed yesterday because birds kept visiting my balcony, I woke up to dozens of pigeons waiting outside my door like I'd accidentally started a subscription service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 394

Tasty treat

By NotIcing - 22/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was eating a donut and watching TV with my cat. I saw a dark glob on my shirt and ate it, thinking it was dropped icing. It was my cat's earwax. Disgusted, I ran to the bathroom and tried to rinse with hydrogen peroxide. I sprayed it in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 445

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The Top

Today, my fiancé got impatient and passed a lady doing 15 mph under the speed limit. The lady was driving slowly in case the black ice in the other lane was in both. We spun out and drove right into a guard rail. I'd just filled the tank, so now I'm down $40 and need to pay for a rental too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 826

You deserved it 3 326

Today, my fiancé and I got married. We both promised to remain abstinent until our wedding day. She's on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 927

You deserved it 9 933

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 533

You deserved it 3 973

Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 918

You deserved it 55 374

Today, I woke up at night to go to the toilet. My Dad was doing his thing with the toilet door wide open. I saw, screamed at the top of my lungs and peed my pants in horror. Now my throat hurts and I'm too embarrassed to look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 560

Today, I've been in lockdown for so long, I got turned on by washing carrots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 236