Today, I came back to work after being out for a week. As I walked to the back of the store, I threw my hands up and yelled, "I'm back bitches". Right after I said it, I noticed my boss was behind me. I was then taken to the office and wrote up for foul language on my first day back. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML
Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML
Today, I was put on notice at work due to my "anger problem." Apparently, sighing in a meeting means you'll be labeled as someone with a short temper. However, the creepy stalker guy is on the fast track to management. FML
Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML
Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. Turns out they are firing 35 people. I wasn't on the list until I asked for a raise. FML
Today, I arrived at work six minutes late due to heavily congested traffic. This is just two days after my boss put out a memo saying that anyone who's late to work from then until the new year will have their holiday bonus pay forfeited. FML
Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML
Today, I showed up for my first shift in my new night job; I now work at an apartment complex during the day and at a gas station at night. It turns out that our biggest problem tenant in the former happens to be my boss in the latter. FML
Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML
Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML
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Top comments
123Puppy 33
You’re stupid.
Nimesh Priyodit 11
In office, you should be professional. How difficult is it to grasp?
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Comments (11)
123Puppy 33
You’re stupid.
Nimesh Priyodit 11
In office, you should be professional. How difficult is it to grasp?
pixie_pix13 16
actually not an office its a restaurant that I work at
TwoBytesCarley 27
Even more so since there are customers around!
jbuckets_404 39
Always check your six....
thefmlman2011 37
And your two by two’s
weazle 13
Wasn’t this posted not too long ago?
pixie_pix13 16
If it wasn't it wasn't by me and this actually happened when I got back from a week stay in jail
TwoBytesCarley 27
Wow, you’re really not making it easy to empathize with. Jail..disappear from work for a week..make stupid comments as soon as you get back to work..I mean really, might want to evaluate yourself a bit here.
mccuish 25
Your boss has no sense of humour. I did this same thing after being gone for a week. My boss was like “damn you’re back from vacation”
JasonThorn 23
Know your audience...ESPECIALLY where they are.
J15237 25
Even though you got in trouble I have to say I love your style. I would do something like that too. Just suck up the consequences and enjoy the moment.
pixie_pix13 16
I did cause I got out of jail at 7am that morning and went and worked from 4pm till 8am the next day so I enjoyed it a lot... never realized how many people missed me and appreciated me and all the things I do there till I left for a week
BurnInDemonFire 39
If you had said "Daddy's back, you bitches!", your boss would have recognized the GTA reference, and given you a raise. There's a secret to everything in life, if you look hard enough.
ojosRojos 28
Maybe don’t do that when there could be potential customers around?
Máté Tarjányi 3
If you work somewhere where you can't even joke around, consider a change of scenery, my dude.
RainbowPandaChan 9
If you were in the back with no customers, then your boss was just on a power trip