Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally got the courage to leave my controlling and manipulative ex. He took it well. And by "took it well", I mean he camped out my doorstep, held some of my belongings hostage, and tried to blackmail me into staying with him. FML
Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He said, "Yeah well, you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend of over four years ago decided to turn up outside my house at 1 a.m., drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML
Today, a guy I went out with twice, and slept with once, came knocking on my door, hysterically crying. Apparently his wife found out about “us” and kicked him out. He’s now asking where he can put his stuff, since he’s now homeless. I had no idea he was married, and she’s now looking to fight me. FML
Today, my soon-to-be-ex husband threw an epic tantrum, with crying, snotty nose, throwing himself on the floor, grabbing me by my feet, begging me not to leave him, and that he’s “so sorry” after I confronted him about the sexts and nudes he’s been sending to another woman. FML
Today, I was going to end a thing I had with this guy. It turned out that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend and was just using me as a back up. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, my ex dropped our son off at the same time as I was having my women's support group. I've spent months telling them what a manipulative bastard he is, yet within minutes he had them so enthralled, I somehow became the bitch ex-wife, over-exaggerating about him because I'm bitter, and should "be nicer" to him. FML
Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
JayElleBee 15
Cockgoblin. Well, there's a word I'm going to use for the rest of my life.
Wizardo 34
The shit people do for sex... also this guy needs help, I recommend Tiger Woods' therapist.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (87)
SwtCherryPie 26
+1 for cockgoblin
downer3498 4
You know you don't have to sleep with anyone, no matter the circumstance, right?
SMHsohard 22
Not 100% certain, but not sleeping with him after he pulled that lame stunt may have been why he called her a "selfish bitch".
ozpunker 20
Maybe it's time for him to be kidnapped again.
worldclassrager 41
He's an ex for a reason...and not a good actor...that's just a but extreme...
iriss_fml 12
Desperate much .
yourwifelovesme 25
What the hell kind of insult is cockgoblin lol
jmacfan1 16
Cockgoblin. that's funny. I like it. Thanks for adding that to my vocabulary. I have added lots of great words to my vocab from this app like asshat and twat waffle
ebut15 10
My ex did the same thing. But he faked having cancer, and when I found out and refused, he called me a bitch. -_-
The_Mr_Troll 14
You deserved it for sleeping with him
Ray_of_midnight 23
Borderline Personality Disorder much?