Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally got the courage to leave my controlling and manipulative ex. He took it well. And by "took it well", I mean he camped out my doorstep, held some of my belongings hostage, and tried to blackmail me into staying with him. FML
Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He said, "Yeah well, you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend of over four years ago decided to turn up outside my house at 1 a.m., drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML
Today, a guy I went out with twice, and slept with once, came knocking on my door, hysterically crying. Apparently his wife found out about “us” and kicked him out. He’s now asking where he can put his stuff, since he’s now homeless. I had no idea he was married, and she’s now looking to fight me. FML
Today, my soon-to-be-ex husband threw an epic tantrum, with crying, snotty nose, throwing himself on the floor, grabbing me by my feet, begging me not to leave him, and that he’s “so sorry” after I confronted him about the sexts and nudes he’s been sending to another woman. FML
Today, I was going to end a thing I had with this guy. It turned out that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend and was just using me as a back up. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, my ex dropped our son off at the same time as I was having my women's support group. I've spent months telling them what a manipulative bastard he is, yet within minutes he had them so enthralled, I somehow became the bitch ex-wife, over-exaggerating about him because I'm bitter, and should "be nicer" to him. FML
Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML
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Top comments
JayElleBee 15
Cockgoblin. Well, there's a word I'm going to use for the rest of my life.
Wizardo 34
The shit people do for sex... also this guy needs help, I recommend Tiger Woods' therapist.
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Comments (87)
MissLynn34 11
That's beyond creep
Glitter_taco_ 10
I think I might start calling people **** goblins now
rattusrattus 19
I take it that asking politely if the OP wanted sex and doing his bit to make it a mutually pleasurable experience didn't occur to him? No wonder he's an ex. And a cockgoblin.
Ziggy122 15
"Cockgoblin" is now my new favorite insult.
olpally 33
I imagine Yoda being the cockgoblin... Lol. What an imbecile douche waffle!
bbpgrs 7
what if he actually was kidnapped?
n4ture 20
you are better off without him. people can be ******* mess up some times.
jmcr 27
You sound smart enough that you didnt fall for his dumb stunt its ppl like you that remind me that not everyone is as dumb as your ex is
xAkonz 10
I say you deserved it. If you are stupid enough to be "guilted" into having sex with someone, then you are a ******* idiot.
Panda_Shy_Haven 17
I'd play an even worse prank on him