Today, it was my first day as a vacuum salesman. While I was demonstrating how well it removed stains, I managed to smear stuff over the area I was cleaning. So not only was I unsuccessful in removing the original stains, I left them with worse carpet than when I got there. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave a carpet shampooing demonstration in a stranger's home. To my surprise, the white expensive carpet was dyed grey due to something in the solution. The owner held me hostage in her house by barracading the door until my manager got there. FML
Today, I bought a new vacuum cleaner after having to go several months without one. Immediately, I wanted to try it out. I must have underestimated how powerful it was, as it sucked up my socks and then broke. FML
Today, I was at my summer babysitting job. The family's dog puked on the carpet and I proceeded to clean it up with baking soda and a mix of water/vinegar. Instead of blending in with the other areas of the carpet, the one spot I cleaned is white while the other areas are still darkened by filth. FML
Today, I started my new job as a janitor at a store. The first thing that happened when I came in was another employee telling me that there was vomit in the restroom, and that I had to clean it up. Not only did I clean up vomit, I had to clean up the poop that made the kid puke in the first place. FML
Today, I had to clean my house to hide the evidence of the party I threw last night. I attempted to clean the puke stain on my carpet while still drunk. I didn't realize until this morning that the All Purpose cleaner I used was actually All Purpose Adhesive. The evidence is now glued to my carpet. FML
Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML
Today, I vacuumed my car as I'm trying to sell it. After the interior was clean, I sprayed some air freshener. The chosen smell was "new car". I think they mislabeled it, as my car now smells like urinal cakes. I have two potential buyers coming tomorrow. FML
Today, the father of my child couldn't understand why he had been laid off from his job as a painter's assistant. He couldn't find a broom or vacuum, so he "cleaned" a carpet by laying down strips of painter's tape and pulling it up. FML
Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML
Today, I bought a used SUV that had fairly dirty carpets, that got even more dirty as I drove my two daughters around. I got it professionally cleaned and detailed and it looks brand new, but now my daughters cry and scream as I put them in the clean car, because their favorite stain is not there anymore. FML
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Top comments
MrSchneebly 5
Wow you used their carpet! Jesus bring a tester one or something, don't go trashing peoples homes
WCARlover 35
"...and this is how not to use it"
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Comments (95)
heartcloud_fml 3
Since when do vacuums remove stains?
potatosrock 10
VACUUMS DON'T REMOVE STAINS!!!!!!!!
kdog333 1
prepare to be sued.
bubo_fml 11
"I assure you folks, this vacuum cleaner sucks!" (Gotta get the sales pitch 2getha, Bro!)
jaredofmo 22
I was wondering who'd be first to say that. FTL of the OP because the product he's selling doesn't work. BTW, the mentions of Kirby vacuums, look 'em up on Google if you want some real horror stories.
meben 0
Time to switch from vacuumes to security systems. So much more money in selling security systems..
PoisonGirlInc 0
Dude I know how you feel I used to sell Kirbys FYL
KristantheGreat 5
JB.... Justin Bieber ?!
jaredofmo 22
JB is not Justin Bieber or the Jonas Brothers. It's John Barrowman!
sodapopper 6
Those jobs suck JB, don't fall for that or cutco junk jobs bro. Those products are crap and you output way more effort than is worth it with them.... And they kill ur checks with their "fees". Legal scam artists.
meben 0
Umm excuse me? I made 75k in 4 months selling security systems. It's hard work and takes persistence. I'd love to talk to someone who makes that kind of money in 4 months working 12-dark.
meben 0
And yes your correct. Cutco/vector marketing, are scams to the customer and employee. Only the big guy up top makes the money. Kirby used to be a great job. However the economy went to the pit and vacuum sales went from like 5 a week to two if your a great sales guy. I have a friend that worked for them. He's now the leading west coast sales manager for temperapedic mattresses.
hateevryone 15
kinda ironic, isn't it?
eat_iit_fml 4
Vaccum salesman still exists?