Today, I went to run outside, only to smack straight into our sliding glass door. Just a few hours beforehand, my mom put up a strip of colored tape to stop this from happening. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML
Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML
Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML
Today, my son tripped into a door and slammed it shut. I'd been holding onto the door frame, leaning around to talk to a neighbour, so of course it slammed my fingers. It must be a really sharp door, because I just woke from the surgery to reattach my three amputated fingers. FML
Today, looking out of my window, I spotted a fire raging in the building across from my apartment. Grabbing my phone, I dashed out to the balcony, only to slam into the screen door instead. After calling 911, I sprinted back out, only to clock the door a second time. FML
Today, I walked into a glass door at the mall because I thought it was automatic. It wasn’t. The make up smudge from my face is now part of the door's Christmas decor. FML
Today, I was locked out of my house. After hours of trying to break the door, I found out I accidentally left a window open. The door, however, still needs to be replaced. FML
Today, I walked into a glass door at a busy mall. Not only did I face-plant in front of a crowd, but I also left an almost perfect imprint of my face on the glass. FML
Today, as I left my house, the front door slammed shut behind me, causing an entire roof-length of snow to slide over the edge and land directly on my head. FML
Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML
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Top comments
daydreamer244 13
so I guess the colored tape didn't help then?
ihavenosoul 4
Your mom must be so proud.
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Comments (160)
GrammerNazi1000 8
Good job!
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Windex does some amazing things.
RandomBlackMan 0
grammer nazi? it's grammar, son.
LiveLaughFML 10
awe, this reminds me of an episode of That's 70 Show where Michael Kelso slams into Eric's sliding door, several times :D
fatraptorjesus13 9
Even my dog knows better....heres an idea calmly walk outside THEN run like a normal person
MarvelFF1243 0
What a slow learner.
fmlwmty 0
That's what you get you god damn prick? Who the hell is that ******* stupid? God go die in ******* hole (or run into glass a few times whichever you prefer)
MissBunnyWillEat 11
49: Might I suggest midol for that menstrual cramp? Or perhaps some tongs to remove that tampon out of your ass? Calm down, bro.
mladd94 2
MissBunnyWillEat...You make me laugh every time I read your comments
YourEvilHero 12
am I like the only on who remembers where my door/slider is
MichellinMan 20
I'm guessing your mentally ill.
RedSharpieInk 5
Was it Duck tape? :D
Streeet_hayley 6
It was the Windex crows.
fmlwmty 0
51: hey how about you go **** yourself just like you do every night you butt hole
MissBunnyWillEat 11
75: How about you invest a little more time into your grammar. Try inserting more commas into your lovely run-on sentences. Also, I will **** myself, and I will do it with a smile on my face, while thinking of you.
southerngrl 0
78: you are so freaking funny!
GrammaticalNazi 2
22 - It's irony, son.
fatgirllovesfml 0
Eyy #69 your number is turning me on!
leadman1989 16
Bunny you don't have to **** yourself. Any straight single (some even if they aren't) guy would be glad to help you out. And I'm cutting the line. >:p
MissBunnyWillEat 11
110: *clears throat* Well, I was told to "go **** urself you butt hole" by a delinquent. It wasn't the fact that I opted to do that for no reason. I was just making a point.
Streeet_hayley 6
Oh...no.^
Sukismama 2
That's why he spelled it like that because of people like you, son.
RandomBlackMan 0
105- I'm black.
mrlochotzki 0
**** off
daydreamer244 13
so I guess the colored tape didn't help then?
Rico_Mal1116 0
I think you guessed right!
mduffy08 8
Guess that must have hurt.
ahole123 0
I have a feeling the tape just made the humiliation worse.
ItsTheKing 10
This would make a perfect eye glasses commercial.
missyj0 12
Or Windex commercial.
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
I didn't know Forrest Gump posted FMLs!
samiwammy 5
Ouch
gyroballer 0
Ouch
Teenahx3babii 0
That prolly made my day
Commander223 9
*Points gun to head*
ObeseKitten 0
The worst part is... He's not sure if a FML made his day. I'm going to need that gun...
franceypants 0
it would "prolly make my day" of you learned how to spell.
Patrick121 0
You spelled "if" wrong.
Rico_Mal1116 0
*Facepalm*
GennaSaysFYL 3
You spelt "spelled" wrong...
ifailplzinsultme 0
It's ok, together we will find the cure for dumbasses
ImOlivia 5
*Head -> Desk*
ihavenosoul 4
Your mom must be so proud.
tylersign 11
Desperate times call for desperate measures. First, hang up a large sign which reads "please note, there IS a glass door here". ... No need to continue the list. If that isn't enough, then OP has no hope.
ihavenosoul 4
Or just paint the door? Duh.
fthislyfe 22
Your mom knows you very well
BellaBelle_fml 23
Apparently not well enough...
fez667 0
lol my lil brother did the same thing but there was dirt and crap all over the door and he few back like 3 feet didnt do anything to the door tho
DKjazz 20
I had a dog like your brother once.
Soloman212 28
She should probably just paint the glass, as it seems her last tactic didn't work.
CryMoreFMLs 15
But then OP would think it's a wall and become hopelessly lost.
leadman1989 16
"there was a door here" - just pull the... "IM TRAPPED!!! HELLLLLP" - there are several other exists... how do you think you got in? "I'll starve, unless YOU I must eat you" - the fridge is right there WTF!!!
springbok_fml 2
the fact your mom had to do that in the first place makes me question your family's IQ
missmady 0
not the family's, just OP's.
steviesnm 6
Do you happen to be blind?
seeb49 7
Mom: "Hm, yeah, I'm going to put some colored tape on the door so that my blind child can see it."
steviesnm 6
Ya'll need to lighten up and not take every bit of sarcasm seriously. There's gotta be some shit wrong with their sight if they can't see a door or colored tape put on it.
steviesnm 6
Oh don't get your panties in a twist. Not like I said they should be blind. Saying the word is not a sin.