Some parents have to do it, or have the risk of not being able to give their child the things they need to strive. I know that was sadly my situation with my daughter. She's 2 1/2 now, and I was with her father, he cheated on me, got the other woman pregnant while I was, and left me for her. I had nothing. I was sleeping on a friends couch, and nobody would hire me being that i was further along in my pregnancy, knowing they would have to give me maternity leave shortly after. I was forced to make a choice. A choice to give my baby girl, who i had become so bonded with even though I had never seen her face, to someone else. Knowing that she will more than likely never call me mommy, i wouldn't see her first steps, all of her milestones, see her succeed through school, be there through all the hard times when she needs a shoulder, needs her mother. But what I do know, is that she will have a better life than what I would have been able to give her. And some people have to make that VERY DIFFICULT choice. It's the hardest thing to go through besides losing a child, which is a pain i also know. Try to think of it through other perspectives other than the closed mindedness I keep seeing. There are real situations that people go through, that sadly aren't good for children to be in. And sadly, these things can happen when you're far in a pregnancy. Like I was. Give this guy some damn slack. He probably had a reason for giving his son up, and had to go through the same pain I have to go through every day. We don't give our kids up because we don't love them, it's actually the opposite. If he didn't care, he wouldn't have shown up. He wouldn't have even tried. Give him some credit. I feel terrible for him. Thinking he is finally going to legally be able to be in his sons life, and sounding like he didn't have a chance to explain himself. I hope he gets a second chance. I can't imagine what he's going through right now, and I hope i don't have to deal with the same pain (physically and psychologically) when my daughter turns 21 and is allowed to access her file to find out who I am.

Some adopted parents don't allow visitation rights. Maybe he did use a condom right, and things went wrong anyways. Maybe he lost his job right after the child was born, or the mother ran away. I don't think he expected a warm welcome, but the son didn't need to punch him in the face either, especially if he did not know the circumstances of the adoption. I see plenty of adopted people here commenting that they were better off adopted and such, so I think it's stupid because of all the things I just mentioned to automatically say that OP is a douche.

You're assuming a lot. Condoms break. Birth control pills can fail. And sometimes, people are just not ready to raise a child. I have two scenarios for you. My brother is adopted. He has a disability caused by a TBI in his prefrontal cortex. This is the result of his biological father throwing him into a wall at the age of two. He also has severe partial thickness burns on his arms, resulting from his older sister setting the couch on fire when they were inadequately supervised. He was three, and spent the next six months in a burn unit. His father was a drug addict, and his mother was a prostitute. I have no idea what the circumstances were that led to his conception, but I do know that he and his sister were both removed from the home after the fire. He was adopted after that, but he has had a lot of problems, and now, at the age of thirty, he can barely function in society. My friend, on the other hand, got pregnant at nineteen. She had been on the pill, and she and her boyfriend were using condoms. Her boyfriend dumped her immediately after. She knew that she was not ready to raise a child, so she gave her daughter up for adoption. The adoption was arranged while she was still pregnant, and she was able to check into the adoptive parents. She is fortunate enough to have an open adoption; she does see her daughter and has a great relationship with the parents. Her daughter is now a very happy and healthy two year old. She doesn't have any attachment issues, abuse, or neglect. Which parent is the better parent? My brother's abusive father and absent mother? Or my friend, who made the decision to give her unplanned child a better life than she would have been able to offer?

I couldn't have said this better myself.

Being another parent who had to give up a child due to horrible circumstances, I have to say thank you for being one of the few people here that actually understands that there are two sides to every story. It's a horrible thing to go through, and know you have to go that route. There aren't many people who really get it, and you are a great person for looking at the other side of things.

Your friend is a very brave woman and I think that needs to be noticed. If you can relay the message, that would be greatly appreciated. I feel so bad for your brother, nobody, child or adult should ever have gone through something as terrible as that. But it sounds like you and your family are an amazing fit for him. You are a great sister, and I think if he is able to understand the difference, or has any remembrance of those terrible times, then he more than likely thinks the world of you. ?

The OP is male.