Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was secretly snacking on my roommate’s chips. I heard her coming, so I shoved the chips under my bed and pretended to read. She came in, sniffed the air, and said, "I know you stole my chips. The evidence is on your face." I had orange cheese dust all over my mouth. FML
Today, I walked into what I thought was my friend's apartment, dropped my backpack on the couch, and started complaining about work. A complete stranger then walked out of the kitchen holding a sandwich, saw me, then yelled "HELP!" I apologized, grabbed my bag, and somehow took his TV remote with me. FML
Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML
Today, I was at a party where I ate a bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML
Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML
Today, tired of my roommate’s constant stealing of my food, I decided to get back at him by hiding a small amount of hot sauce in his sandwich, thinking it would be a funny prank. When he took a huge bite, he immediately started choking and running to the bathroom. I later found out he's allergic to spicy food. FML
Today, I sat down on my couch with a nice cool beer after a tough day at work. I tried opening a bag of chips. The bag exploded, covering me in chips and crumbs, turning me into a sticky human nacho. Well, my dog certainly saw me as a snack, and I had to shower and change clothes. So much for relaxing. FML
Today, my dog ate an entire bag of my boyfriend’s shrooms. She got incredibly sick and had to be admitted to doggie hospital. My entire family was worried that we would lose her. All except my boyfriend, who was more upset that his shrooms were gone. FML
Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML
Today, I invited an acquaintance over for tea. When he came in, I told him to make himself at home. He took it literally and now half of my pantry is messed up, my boyfriend's chocolate supply is gone, and I'm pretty sure our couch is broken. Thanks. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
He sounds like a fungi to be around! Don't be so sporing OP, have a laugh!
Renesaga 8
That's prettt much how I spend everyday, even without shrooms.
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Comments (122)
mookiemookie01 24
Lol that is fantastic. You worded that beautifully. Did you have to google "How to look after someone high on mushrooms?" I certainly wouldn't know off the top of my head.
EffYoLife 14
so you can't call FML posts F@KE without getting an alert to read the FAQs? ugh this one is dumb and Im not reading the FAQs
chocolatefrog28 29
Please tell me you got video of this.
Dipmunch 13
That bag of chips was probably his shield and the automatic vacuum cleaner was totally a dragon
LittleMagicWolf 7
I feel like this would make a good animated short.
emuexport 4
Did you film it :)
goliatron 9
This is a common mistake that I, too, often make.
martin8337 36
Couldn't tell the difference between peanut butter and mushrooms? HDI.
christalyeager 13
That's actually one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life, if I saw this happening I would probably just cry from laughing so hard
dawood_k 27
How the **** do people get joy or even taking joy on someone's drug habit. It's sad that people are proud or want to associate with such utter nonsense. Get a life, and better the society around you and contribute positively.
Samafilbeit 11
It must suck having to walk around with that stick way up there, huh?