Today, after having my sinuses draining for a couple days, my ma stopped by for a surprise visit. Upon discovering the trash can full of used tissues, she called my pastor grandfather to talk to me about the chronic masturbation problem I don't have, but that everyone now thinks I have. FML
Thors_Hammer9999 tells us more.
Hi no I wasn't stuffed up anymore, my sinuses will drain twice a year, once in the spring and once in the fall for about two or three days, I also tend to suffer from sinusitis and sinus infections. She showed up the day I was finally cleared up and was just loafing around the house. While I'd kept thinking I needed to take the trash out because it was gross just sitting there, but I wasn't expecting company, like I said she stopped by for a surprise visit. I was able to clear things up with my Grandpa, the man knows me better then anyone and he was just checking in on me out of concern because as he said "it didn't sound like me." It was also my idiot brother who spread it around after overhearing my ma conveying the story to my dad later that day. I have had several facebook messages and phone calls asking about it but most of the people who know me are aware of my sinus issues, especially after last spring when my sinuses got infected because of them and my face was all swollen....We're all still trying to figure out how my mom is surprised by it....Idk, guess she figures I'll grow out of it eventually. Finally while I have taken some good natured ribbing about it all and probably will for a while yet my mom has gotten it even worse and is incredibly embarrassed about it all....maybe it's enough so next spring she'll remember my sinus issues for once.
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
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Top comments
Mauskau 36
I'm so glad my parents don't care about that kind of stuff. Can't she see your runny nose and realise its getting cold?
DenBriZel 31
You're mom's being kinda nosey.
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Comments (94)
Eltobak 13
Just start wanking then. I mean if she is going to complaine about it its better to atleast be doing it
Embyr 8
I really hope you don't mean whipping it out in front of his mom....
AntiPrude 26
Look her in the eyes and finish like a beast
plagiarismo 16
My mom is the same way. If she only knew what went down the lonely summer of 2010.
froggyjade 16
Tell her to mind her own business!
skittyskatbrat 19
Time to have a little talk with her about how disappointed in her you are. Thou Shalt Not Lie is a commandment, after all, and the bit about not judging others? Yeah. Time to go off on her in a religious way ;-) And next time, make sure to get a bunch of girly magazines and drop them all over the house when you think she might come by.
gracehi 33
Ha ha! It was awesome when I became educated enough to quote the Bible back at my dad when he used it to give me a hard time. "Exodus 20:12 says 'Honor your father and your mother.'" "Yeah but Ephesians 6:4 says 'Do not provoke your children to anger.'" Heh heh heh. Bringing up your children in the way of the LORD: backfire.
perdix 31
#20, the Bible is not a great book to use to condone masturbation -- look what happened to Onan!
CrazyGirlfriend 21
41, Ive also seen people who use the fact that it could be interpreted differently to their advantage. whenever my friend's parents would bring that up, he would always say My Father is the Lord, and my mother is my church. I shall honor them greatly". Even though he was a closet atheist lol
ali52_fml 8
People still use tissues now? One too many to throw away
beaverteaser 16
giggidy
drewflav 17
Next time you need to blow your nose just borrow your ma's sleeve. That'll set her straight.
KimmyCupZ 21
My dustbins are always filled with tissues due to my allergies, but I'm lucky being a girl and all ^^,
laden_swallow09 35
Maybe it's the fact that I just woke up five minutes ago and still groggy, but what does your femininity have to do with anything?
perdix 31
#34, wake up, dude! Girls don't need tissues to **********, so a trash bin full of used tissues wouldn't count as incriminating evidence. On the other hand, a drawer full of dildoes, anal beads and Ben Wa balls just might . . .
KimmyCupZ 21
Maybe it is also the fact that you're a bitch, #34 :)
Mynamewontfi 40
She needs to learn to mind her own business. I hope that people believe your side of the story. Even if you had used them for masturbation, what's so bad about that?
cryssycakesx3 23
if it's her house, she is minding her own business.
Mynamewontfi 40
Really? So, checking a trashcan, making assumptions about its containment and telling family members about said assumptions without confronting OP about it first, is "minding her own business" to you, just because it's under her roof?
AntiPrude 26
@46 How the **** does owning a house make other peoples private sexual relief someones business? So if you lived in my house does mean i can tell you not to touch your own genitals and also maybe watch you while you take a shit? I don't know what kind of weird sick household you grew up in, but a persons masturbation is noone elses business but their own, just like their toilet visits, if your parents tried to involve themselves in your private aspects of life then I suggest you talk to a psychologist or the police because that is very not normal and ****** up.
strawberrywine22 30
46 - it isn't her house, dumbass.
suckceed 17
Should have Loki'd her.