Today, after having my sinuses draining for a couple days, my ma stopped by for a surprise visit. Upon discovering the trash can full of used tissues, she called my pastor grandfather to talk to me about the chronic masturbation problem I don't have, but that everyone now thinks I have. FML
Thors_Hammer9999 tells us more.
Hi no I wasn't stuffed up anymore, my sinuses will drain twice a year, once in the spring and once in the fall for about two or three days, I also tend to suffer from sinusitis and sinus infections. She showed up the day I was finally cleared up and was just loafing around the house. While I'd kept thinking I needed to take the trash out because it was gross just sitting there, but I wasn't expecting company, like I said she stopped by for a surprise visit. I was able to clear things up with my Grandpa, the man knows me better then anyone and he was just checking in on me out of concern because as he said "it didn't sound like me." It was also my idiot brother who spread it around after overhearing my ma conveying the story to my dad later that day. I have had several facebook messages and phone calls asking about it but most of the people who know me are aware of my sinus issues, especially after last spring when my sinuses got infected because of them and my face was all swollen....We're all still trying to figure out how my mom is surprised by it....Idk, guess she figures I'll grow out of it eventually. Finally while I have taken some good natured ribbing about it all and probably will for a while yet my mom has gotten it even worse and is incredibly embarrassed about it all....maybe it's enough so next spring she'll remember my sinus issues for once.
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Top comments
Mauskau 36
I'm so glad my parents don't care about that kind of stuff. Can't she see your runny nose and realise its getting cold?
DenBriZel 31
You're mom's being kinda nosey.
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Comments (94)
Mauskau 36
I'm so glad my parents don't care about that kind of stuff. Can't she see your runny nose and realise its getting cold?
EyeOfTheSt0rm 10
Sorry OP, that's a real dick move...
TourettesGuyFTW 26
^thread jacking is also a dick move.
wolfheartmoon 12
"getting cold"..... like the weather? That has nothing to do with a cold. Nothing. You can get a cold in summer. The only connection is that people spend more time indoors and with other people in winter, so are more likely to get sick. Cold Weather =/= Sick Person.
speckledots 29
cold weather affects the cilia hairs in your nose, causing them to not work properly. Thus allowing for frequent runny noses in cold weather.
ksks1234 33
24-- how else are you supposed to have your comment seen? Where is op from (it just says US for me)? This area, almost everyone is having sinus issues, she should have realized it if that is the case. It might not be getting cold. But I agree with you, 1, she should still realize with his runny nose.
wolfheartmoon 12
runny nose =/= cold.
Sports_guy3 28
#1- No.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
42 - his comment had nothing to do with the one he replied to. Ergo, thread jacking. Be quiet.
ksks1234 33
59-- No way! Is that how thread jacking works? It was called being facetious.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
^Oh. My sarcasm detector seems to be faulty today. :/
Gvfell 9
#38 Cold weather affects your immune system, as more energy is being put into keeping your body heat up, and less in your immune system. Viruses have an opportunity to break into your body.
Alexzandriah 9
Oh I feel so bad. But this is really funny. Lol you're mum should definatly not jump to conclusions anymore though.
AliceLockehart 18
@1 * your and definitely >.>
AliceLockehart 18
**2 dammit I just missed the edit button :(
RabbitOfAurora 28
TBH I think it's pretty amusing too.
gracehi 33
19, Lighten up. I think you forget the purpose of this site, which is laughing at the misfortunes of others. What's funny about this to me is the irony that OP is being accused of being a pervert, but it's his mother that's so dirty minded she assumed that a trashcan full of tissues could only mean chronic masturbation.
tvwrestler98 14
You're a giant asshat!
Alexzandriah 9
You're being really dramatic, this site is supposed to be funny anyways.
sirsquab 12
Jeeze. And I don't even use tissues.
Superstitious 6
It's spelled "****"
GodPart2 20
May the Good Lord have mercy on your soul, child...
DenBriZel 31
You're mom's being kinda nosey.
Kalipczo 21
Lmao. Does she not see your red/drippy nose? Find a non dried up tissue from the trash and open it up for your mom and everyone to see. Cum isn't usually green/yellow.
Jasmeent11 15
That's gross.
Kalipczo 21
Well it's proof
cryssycakesx3 23
that's the grossest thing I ever heard. noses are visible, she can just look at his nose, ya know.
Kalipczo 21
So judgmental
WaterBui 9
That's horribly embarrassing, maaturbating isn't even a bad thing anyways.
Embyr 8
It can be if it comes in the way of working, school, parenting etc. Some people have a real problem with excessive masturbation. Sad, really. But on a general note, it's healthy.
Sports_guy3 28
#7- It's "masturbating"
speckledots 29
I'm not seeing why people make it a big deal to correct someone's spelling over a typo error. There is a difference if someone uses the wrong "there, their, your, you're". But a misspelling by a letter right next to the intended one. Really? We know what it says. No need to point it out every damn time.
tuxedoandex 28
51- It's "typo"
Wizardo 34
Nothing a little explanation can't solve otherwise repent, repent thy sinner!
SecsNoises 6
FYL for having a ma with such a stuffy attitude to sex.
Sports_guy3 28
If That's true, then why did she get pregnant?
CrazyGirlfriend 21
dont you know? the stork brings them the babies.
noobienick 19
....was that a pun?
dawood_k 27
Yah you just go and blame your sinuses we now know what's been going on. Hope it's not 2ply it could get costly